Today I took PD2 to her 18-month check-up. I grabbed a bag that I have packed with diapers, wipes and diaper rash cream and added a toy to the mix for the wait. We headed out and all was well until Linda Blair showed up in the backseat as we were pulling into the doctor’s office parking area. There is PD2 strapped down in a five-point harness car seat spewing the contents of her very healthy and nutritious breakfast of chocolate milk and Apple Jacks; yes, a breakfast for future champions! On a side note I am holding my breath if this was a bout of her random car sickness issues or if she has that god-awful bug that is going around, only time will tell on that one!
I look back and she is covered from head to toe in stomach contents and I think know that a colorful metaphor flew out of my mouth that refers to another body content that also expels out of your body! I did not have another change of clothes on hand, which is beyond me why not. I never EVER leave without an extra change of clothes. So there I am gagging (I have a high gag reflux, which came after spending 18- long months with Linda Blair while I was pregnant with both kids) while I scooping up the mess with wipes into a few zip lock baggies I had on hand. I finally strip and clean off PD2 and wrap her in my sweater coat since is cold here right now. . . or should I rephrase for my fellow bloggers that live anywhere but sunny Southern California that it is cooler now, and headed into the doctor’s office.
As I walk in, I am greeted by the doc himself and he laughed at the sight that just walked in shaking his head. We have grown a professional fondness for each other over the past three years. I admire and respect his style of treatment and I think he likes that I refer the heck out to him and I tend to amuse him with my quirky personality and sayings. There is a new family with their days old baby sitting in the corner and I am trying to play off the fact that I am bringing in my kid in almost her birthday suit so they don’t run screaming for the hills that their baby is going to get horribly sick from my pukie smelling bundle of joy! I also heard a mother sitting on the other side of the room tell another mother that now she feels better that she did not put shoes or socks on her kid as she looks my direction.
I was quickly called into the exam room and when the doc came into examine her, I told him what happened. I was sheepish in the fact I SUCKED as a mother in not being prepared and of all times to blow it, is to be in front of the pediatrician! He went on with his exam telling me that he once was thrown up on by his daughter as they were taking off on a flight and had to deal with wearing it for two hours. Ok, so this happens to the best of us, even a doctor. I am feeling more comfortable and thinking at the end of the visit I will get my normal gold star stamp of approval of my excellent care of my rug rats!
So, as he was leaving, I asked, “Sooooo, I know the kid will get the sucker, but am I going to get my gold star?” He laughed and shook his head and he followed it up with, “I like PD2’s new fashion statement, but be thankful that it was not raining today.”
Rat Bastard! No Gold Star for me and I now must go and clean up after Pukefest 2011!
A Piece of the Pie Hole 