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Archive for the ‘Motherhood’ Category

The other day I was listening to the news while driving my kids to the doctor’s office.  Let’s not forget to mention that I was spiking a fever of over 101 and had not had a full night sleep in nearly a week and I had two sick kids in the car. I thought I was hallucinating what I was hearing until later that night I saw the same coverage. 

A school district in Oakland, California has just launched its first teaching curriculum of  “gender diversity” as early as Kindergarten.  I went online and reviewed the curriculum.  It was a bit puzzling the comparison of the animal kingdom (fish and reptiles) they used to make the point about “gender diversity”; none of it made sense to me.  The reason those species change gender and/or transgender  is to keep the species in existence.  I don’t see how teaching that concept really reinforces pro-tolerance and ” human gender diversity”.  That is like comparing apples to oranges.   The reason people are gay or transgender has nothing to do with saving a species.  

However, this segment is not about pro or against gender diversity; this is about our schools doing the jobs of what should be done at home and since it is not being done at home (by a very small minority),they are taking on the responsibility.  The problem is that not only are they doing a poor job at taking on the job, they are losing sight that the Chinese are passing us by in the science and math department.  So while they are going to space and forming new ground breaking patents we will be well versed in the ill-informed information on hermaphrodite amphibians.  

 Is spending the VERY limited resources we have on education, teaching “gender diversity” in the  early elementary years really going to solve our problem of bullying, lack of tolerance and hate?  The sad thing is we will never be able to eradicate that from the human race.  Is this in the early classroom really going to set up our kids for success in competing with the dog eat dog socio-economic world? 

As you know I am not a fan of the Chinese government, they are not the beacon of good will and humanity towards mankind, but the one thing they understand is that knowledge and discipline is power. We have such a cutting  edge on true balance of both discipline with good boundaries and good education, but we fail to no longer combine them and that is to our losing race to countries like China.

Kids no longer have a healthy respect and sovereign fear of their educators.  Not because the educators have grown soft, but the educators are govern by out of touch legislation and administration that no longer allow the educator to hold true and meaningful consequences. 

I have several friends that teach, and the number one complaint they all have is that they have a few in the class that are just rotten kids that make educating challenging and downright impossible. The good kids suffer, the bad kids win in ruling the classroom.   The administration does not back them to get those few bad apples out of the mix, hold those parents responsible and get on with teaching the core subjects.  Instead they throw a new “teaching curriculum” at them to try to intercept the ill-behavior of a few.

I will be teaching my children “gender diversity” when it is appropriate and I will be using a realistic approach instead of felt boards filled with hermaphrodite amphibians and reptiles to pled my case.   I know that 99.9% of my friends and circle of influence will be doing the same.  Early elementary years is not the place or forum.  I expect my kids to be taught reading, writing, and arithmetic and be in a setting that reinforces respect for authority figures. 

It appears my choice to be sending my kids to Catholic school (even if it means I have to work two jobs to do it) will be in the cards for our family and we are not even Catholic.   It is known the Catholic school system knows how to produce competing test scores, reinforce respect and moral code, and demand parent involvement on a budget grossly less than what the public schools require.

Come on America, let’s get involved on the future of our kid’s education and support the educators do what they went to school to do; teach these kids how to achieve academic greatness! Especially since we are paying for it greatly in both tax dollars and competing with the rest of the world for economic security.

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So Mother’s Day is right around the corner, if this was your first indication of that, you are in a pretty sticky situation.   I have always wondered why if you forget Mother’s Day it is far worse of a crime, almost unforgivable, than forgetting Father’s Day.  Maybe it is because we, mothers, carry you nine long months, all the while puking our brains out, and having our bodies turn into the close replica of the local “Holiday Inn”.   Then we have the pleasure of either having to push out or reenact the infamous Alien scene in birthing an 8 pound bowling ball. 

Then there are the endless nights of the lack of sleep, diapers, and vomit flu fests.  Let’s not forget to mention being the sucker that drew the shortest straw and now has to drive you and four of your troglodyte peers to and from practice for the season and then has the joys of having to fill in as the “team laundry” mom since the coach wants to save money. 

These said hardships are only the tip of the iceberg of what moms endure for the sake of loving her kids.  Most of  us never complain, unless we have a blog to carry that burden, and we take our job seriously.  So, if you forgot that special mom, get your butt in gear and go take care of business in doing something that shows her that you appreciate her and the role that she had in your life.  Buying a card isn’t going to cut it. 

If you are still stumped, you can go on over to my recent cold hard cash published piece for a few ideas (yes, I am tooting my horn… TOOT, TOOT!) that is on the new and updated Blissfully Domestic  web-based magizine. 

Good luck and may I only hear of wonderful “Mama is happy” stories come Monday!

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I am in back-to-back birthday party hell mode this month.  It seems all my friends that are really close to me are having birthday parties for their little ones that are in the same age range as PD1 and PD2.   It is one of those things that you know you need to do to be a good friend and to encourage your kids to enjoy.  Let’s be honest here, if  all you parents sit down and truly assess the whole “other” kid birthday parties, you would have to agree most of you would rather watch paint dry, have hemorrhoid surgery or endure physical therapy (that’s for you, Idiot) than have to sit through a weekend afternoon with the results of other people’s bad parenting mistakes kids.  This is the inspiration to my Top Ten Tuesday!

10.  You get the invitation for a 3-year-old birthday party that says “NO GIFTS” or “Only Educational Toys Please”.  Seriously, it is a kid’s birthday party!  If I have to go to it at least let me go pick out the most cool but  annoyingly loud and obnoxious toy and relish in the fact that it is not at my house.  And really, aren’t all toys educational?  Heck even “adult toys” have some level of educational value to them!

9.  The party starts right smack in the middle of nap time hours.  Oh joy! Nothing excites me more that sleep deprived toddlers hopped up on sugar! 

8.  No booze.  OK, I get it is for the kids, but if it is a party that requires me to have to schlep two kids, by myself, and all the swag that goes along with it, then go sit and watch the organized chaos, or not, for two hours, shouldn’t I be at least rewarded with a glass of wine or cocktail?  Again, it all goes back to booze makes everything better.

7. Gift Bags.  I get that is nice to have a little parting prize for the kiddos but do we have to try to reenact the Oscar’s after-party swag bags?  A sandbox bucket, a thing of bubbles and a sticker is more than enough!  Even though the gesture is nice, the toddler did not need a cruise on Carnival along with the bucket and few sand toys.

6.  Games.  Having small children try to play musical chairs is a lot like trying to herd cats. Again, I have a lot more patience for that, with a cocktail in my hand! 

5. Cake.  Now, I love cake!  I love to make cakes!  At this age cupcakes are the way to go.  Nothing is harder to manage than a piece of cake for two small children.  At least with a cupcake, it is a finger food and can be manhandled and tolerate the mutilation a small child can bring upon the situation.  Clean up is still bad, just not as nearly as bad.

4.  Rain.  NOTHING is worse than being cooped up in a house with ten small children and their parents all hopped up on sugar, not napped and stir crazy.  Again, where is my cocktail?

3. No Bounce House/Jolly Jump.  Pulling up to a party, nothing is more relieving for me to see  than a Bounce House/Jolly Jump.  I actually get some mingle time and the kids will sleep like champs that night!  Oh, bless the creator of the Bounce House/Jolly Jump.

2. No Opening of the Presents.  What?  That is the best part!  Sure it makes the kids a bit antsy and some may feel left out, but IT IS NOT THEIR BIRTHDAY!  This is the first lesson on self-control and being happy on the outside even though you are green with envy on the inside and want to kick that kid’s ass for getting cooler toys than you have.  I love seeing the expression of the kid as he/she opens the gift we took all the time and effort to get, wrap and drag to the party.  I have also noticed it brings a very early stage of  joy to PD2 to see that her little buddy liked what she got them. Maybe I am a freak, but I love giving more than receiving! Get you minds out of the gutters, this a post about kid birthday parties!

1. Other People’s Kids.  Need I say more?

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Last night I snuggled in and turned on the TV for my Sunday drool fest of watching Bill Paxton in Big Love.   About half-way through I found my stomach not feeling so hot.  I tried to ignore it and follow the plot, but it got stronger and stronger.  Dagnamit! I think I am getting what my two petri dishes had the latter part of the week! 

I finished the show and headed upstairs and went to bed.   I laid there negotiating with my new visitor, but old nemesis, Linda Blair who was sitting on my bed,  that since I had hyperemesis (extreme morning sickness) during both of my pregnancies for a combined 50 plus weeks that I paid my dues of having stomach ailments and that she needs to move along to another house, preferably to the a-hole that cut me off in the rain driving like a jackalope. 

She stayed and proceeded to move closer and closer to me.  I practiced meditating (that by the way is a total crock and don’t waste your time), breathed through the nausea and prayed that I was not going to be reliving the wonderful Sunday dinner I made that night. 

Now she is sitting on top of me, just like she did when I was pregnant!  I am sweating, the room is spinning and my stomach is on fire, but I am determined I am not going to toss my cookies.  That only pissed her off and now she has somehow managed to reach in and twist my insides and jump up and down on my stomach at the same time. ” Uncle! Uncle!”, I screamed as I sprinted to the bathroom and  . . . I don’t need to get that graphic, you all get what just happened. 

That whole scenario went on four more times until the around 4 am.  Finally Linda Blair lost interests in me and headed off to bother some other petri dish infected house or newly pregnant woman. 

I laid there exhausted and a little traumatized that I did this day in and day out 24-hours a day for weeks months on end and one of the pregnancies I was caring for an infant/toddler without help outside of the hubs that had to work everyday and leave me with that wretched Linda Blair, my IV bag and my infant who turned into a toddler while I was still going through it.  I found out this morning, the hubs laid there traumatized reliving our hell in his head too.

This morning when I woke up I had that same stomach flu nausea feeling that set the pace for each and every waking minute of my day while incubating my two kids. With two miscarriages with no symptoms of being pregnant, I knew both times with my two viable pregnancies that they were sticking by how sick I was.   I had a moment of confusion and can I say dispair, was I pregnant again?  That can’t be, I shut the plant down during the birth of PD2! 

Borrowed from blog buddy,Your Personal Super Hero!

I looked at the bottom of my bed and she was not there, Linda Blair that is.  Oh, thank God!  I am at the tail end of the stomach flu! I got up, got dressed and forced myself down stairs and started my day and even mopped my floors. 

I feel pretty crappy and my stomach is pretty unhappy, but hey, I not only survived Linda Blair last night, but I survived her for over a year and half of my life with both pregnancies combined.  Nothing could ever be that bad, so Linda Blair may of won last night, but she is not going to win today!

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* Sad but have to weekly disclaimer: If you don’t like what I have to say, don’t read it. If you chose to and still don’t like what I have to say and want to respond, please be civil and appropriate.  I love feedback of all points of view.  🙂

Technology 2 Early?

Today I was browsing the net looking for what PD1 wants for her 3rd b-day on price comparing.  She actually wants the Fisher Price Wheelies Stand and Play Ramp with all the different cars to race her sister and her dad with.  I was a bit surprised since she is very much a girly girl, but hey, I LOVED Hot Wheels when I was little and had the garage that had the cool elevator and I think I turned out a fairly OK. 

While ‘googling’ (apparently, that is a new verb) this toy, I can across this toy, Fisher Price Laugh and Learn iCan Play case for an iPhone or iTouch so your little one can play with your iPhone or iTouch for the toddler and pre-school ages and  I was floored.  I have a group of friends that did get their two and half-year olds iTouches for Christmas, while I got PD1 a doll house and pretend kitchen toys.   That whole thing troubled me when I heard that and now I see that this is a growing trend!

I get that there is an obvious market for this, since it was named as a top toy to get at a Toy Fair in New York, but really parents!  Can’t we keep these kids, kids for a little bit longer?  Do we now not only have to see the 6-10 year old completely disengaged from his or her surroundings while playing on theirs DS or Gameboy, even at the Happiest Place on Earth or the local zoo, but now we have to watch the night of the living toddlers zombied out on their parents’ iPhones. 

I know that this is the sign of the times in the case of technology, but I think I was born in the wrong era.  I just joined the Smart Phone and Facebook party and I am not sure I like either that much.   The thought of being connected all the time to someone, something and somewhere is a bit overwhelming.  I am totally guilty of “unplugging” for days on end and if someone really wants to get a hold of me, they can ring me the good old fashion way.

I guess what bothers me about this new technology trend of getting them exposed early is all the arguments I hear that this builds good eye-hand coordination, helps with learning and developing fine motor skills and reading.   I don’t buy that a $250-$500 technolgy device that is designed for adult use is something that is for pre-schoolers to use for learning or entertainment.  I feel, in most cases, not all cases (I think some of my close buds feel as stongly about exposing them to current technology as I do about sheltering them), it is an item a parent can give to a kid to distract them so they can do what they want to do and somehow justify it to themselves that it is educational to make them feel better.  Once again dodging being a hands on parent.  

How about, unplug, disconnect and throw a ball, take a walk, enjoy the animals at the zoo, get out the paints, the tea party set, Play-Doh, Legos,  building blocks or even a cardboard box and decorate it like a car and play pretend?  Those are real things that teach all the above arguments and one other thing that I think is the most important of all that the iPhone can’t teach and that is, SOCIAL SKILLS.  

Before I get off my soap box I have one last thing to say, when the world  starts scratching their heads on why we can’t work, live and play well with each other and thumbs and index fingers have arthritis at the ripe old age of 30, don’t be surprised that I will tell you, “I told you so”.  Balance, moderation and restraint on growing up your kids too fast is what I feel is the key.

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Well, as in my pervious blog, I had a little bit of concern that the car sickness may be upgraded to the horrid bug that is going around.  Tick-tock – bong, my initial diagnosis was wrong!  Now PD1 has just christened the porcelain  god for the first time of many in her life AND I just got a call from a friend that watched Pd2 yesterday that her rug rat is has been paid a visit by Linda Blair.   So now I am on “super mommy” duty or as the hubs says, ” earning your keep duty”. 

Sound the alarm, the house has been placed on “The House of Petri Dish” status.  Meals for all will consist of apple sauce, oatmeal, dry toast, eggs, broth frozen fruit pops and wine (for the adults in the house – the best coping Rx a person can find.)  I will be disinfecting everything that moves and stands like mad and the washing machine is getting a good work out.  I will let you know how I fair and if I can dodge the visit from Linda Blair myself. 

Now back to my duties.  . . where did I place my glass of wine kiddie pool on a stem?

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Today I took PD2 to her 18-month check-up.  I grabbed a bag that I have packed with diapers, wipes and diaper rash cream and added a toy to the mix for the wait.  We headed out and all was well until Linda Blair showed up in the backseat as we were pulling into the doctor’s office parking area.  There is PD2 strapped down in  a five-point harness car seat spewing the contents of her very healthy and nutritious breakfast of chocolate milk and Apple Jacks; yes, a breakfast for future champions!  On a side note I am holding my breath if this was a bout of her random car sickness issues or if she has that god-awful bug that is going around, only time will tell on that one! 

I look back and she is covered from head to toe in stomach contents and I think know that a colorful metaphor flew out of my mouth that refers to another body content that also expels out of your body!  I did not have another change of clothes on hand, which is beyond me why not.  I never EVER leave without an extra change of clothes.  So there I am gagging (I have a high gag reflux, which came after spending 18- long months with Linda Blair while I was pregnant with both kids) while I scooping up the mess with wipes into a few zip lock baggies I had on hand.  I finally strip and clean off PD2 and wrap her in my sweater coat since is cold here right now. . . or should I rephrase for my fellow bloggers that live anywhere but sunny Southern California that it is cooler now, and headed into the doctor’s office. 

As I walk in, I am greeted by the doc himself and he laughed at the sight that just walked in shaking his head.  We have grown a professional fondness for each other over the past three years.  I admire and respect his style of treatment and I think he likes that I refer the heck out to him and I tend to amuse him with my quirky personality and sayings.   There is a new family with their days old baby sitting in the corner and I am trying to play off the fact that I am bringing in my kid in almost her birthday suit so they don’t run screaming for the hills that their baby is going to get horribly sick from my pukie smelling bundle of  joy!   I also heard a mother sitting on the other side of the room tell another mother that now she feels better that she did not put shoes or socks on her kid as she looks my direction. 

I was quickly called into the exam room and when the doc came into examine her, I told him what happened.  I was sheepish in the fact I SUCKED as a mother in not being prepared and of all times to blow it, is to be in front of the pediatrician!  He went on with his exam telling me that he once was thrown up on by his daughter as they were taking off on a flight and had to deal with wearing it for two hours.  Ok, so this happens to the best of us, even a doctor.  I am feeling more comfortable and thinking at the end of the visit I will get my normal gold star stamp of approval of my excellent care of my rug rats! 

So, as he was leaving, I asked, “Sooooo, I know the kid will get the sucker, but am I going to get my gold star?”  He laughed and shook his head  and he followed it up with, “I like PD2’s new fashion statement, but be thankful that it was not raining today.”

Rat Bastard! No Gold Star for me and I now must go and clean up after Pukefest 2011!

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I  have fundamentals in education (play-based education/Montessori) that tend to somewhat line up with a whole other species of motherhood I can’t relate with – The Granola Mom. 

 I would say that I am a  practical and moderately conservative person in most areas; fiscally, morally, within my scope of  child rearing, and attire and home decor ( I tend to stay true to the classics and not be trendy).  I let my sense of humor and sarcasm take lead in most things and try not to be too ridgid.

I can find my same species of motherhood in this arena, but for some reason the only granola that I can stomach is the one I eat for breakfast.  I try to keep an open mind when I hear their philosophies and ideas (I have a few close friends that fall in this category), but with no avail, I just don’t get it.   This is the inspiration of Top Ten Tuesdays and is not meaning to bring offence to anyone. It is just my personal satire and opinion and if you don’t like what I am saying, then don’t read it.  🙂

10.  The Family Bed: So not my cup of tea.  I don’t mind the occasional snuggle time, but I like my peaceful sleep AND my adult extra curricular time without a foot in my back.

9.  Positive Time Outs:  What is that?  A time out should be anything but positive.  Sit your butt down, think about how you just hit your sister over the head with a toy and be lucky that all you are getting is a time out!

8.  Never Say No to Your Child, Use Positive Reinforcements:  Really, that is going to set them up for success for adulthood? I have heard NO more times than I would like. “NO, you don’t make enough money to buy the car of your dreams”.  “No, you can’t drive above the speed limit, and here is your $150 ticket.”   “NO, you did not get the promotion.”  “NO, he does not want to date you anymore.”

 7.  Never Letting Your Kids Cry It Out/Self Sooth: I have a friend that has not slept in four-year because of this theory of creating abandonment issues if they let them cry it out.  I see how that is working out for the kids and her; she is a zombie and the kids have anxiety issues.  I have two kids that sleep through the night and can entertain themselves well.  Trust me, it is not that I am just “lucky”.  I had to pay the price of a few hard nights and days getting to that point.  NO ONE LIKES TO HEAR THEIR KIDS CRY, but it is my goal to prepare them to be independent and thriving adults and teaching them self soothing skills are the first steps.

6. Mobi Wraps or Slings for Carrying Your Infant: I could never use a Mobi wrap, even though I think they are really cool.  I know I would have dropped my kids on their heads multiple times.  Now, I do think when the kid is ready for High School it is time to get them out of the sling and buy them a car. Trust me, I have seen that.

5. Breastfeeding with No Discretion:  Just whipping it out in public regardless of the setting just because it is your God-given right to do so is disturbing to me.  I am a HUGE advocate of breastfeeding, but let us use a little discretion please! We are not at Marty Gras and you will not get any beads thrown your way for doing so.  Keep second base a novelty!

4. Planting Your Placenta Under A Tree:  Believe it or not I know three people who have done this.   I get the whole primitive idea of this, but the last I checked we have babies in the hospital, we have doctor’s for fertility issues and the idea of asking your doctor to place your placenta in a plastic bucket and then carrying it out of the hospital along with your new bundle of joy is beyond bazaar to me.   I have no idea what they did with my placentas and I would like to keep it that way.  It was bad enough to have the hubs try to photograph my uterus as the doctor was sewing it up.  There are just part of my insides that just needs to stay between it and the medical professionals.

3.  Nine Page Birth Plans:  This one kills me.  As you all know from my postings, The Start of Soapbox Sundays, you know where I stand on this.  I once heard a Labor and Delivery RN say,  “When someone comes in with a nine page birth plan, that usually means they will get a one-way ticket to the OR for an emergency C-section. That is just how the karma seems to work. It is child-birth,  not a trying to achieve a business plan!” 

2.  Breast feeding a Toddler:   I had a rule that when the kids got teeth  the bar was closed and then I pumped until they were close to 12 months old.  Watching  a mother lift up her shirt for a child that walked up to the ‘bar’ and asked for a drink is very disturbing to me.  I have made an observation that it seems more boys are breast-fed later than girls.   I remember when I was in the dating pool, there was a saying, “Chici Boy” which in Spanish essentially means, still on the boob.  Now I get where that saying originated.

1. Not Vaccinating Your Kids:  As we all know Dr. Wakefield manipulated data to prove his theory that certain vaccinations caused autism.  Believe it or not, even with that evidence coming out there are still many that will not vaccinate their kids and illnesses that were once eradicated are alive and well.  Here is the question I asked myself when making that decision to vaccinate before the findings of the information was considered a fraud.  Would I rather risk a chance of autism or a chance of death? To me the answer was quite obvious.

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I live in a community that is filled with stay-at-home moms and blue hairs.  That combination together makes for a very “narcissistic” experience anytime you go out.   Each Friday the kids and I head out to our favorite shopping experience (Trader Joe’s) but getting to and from the car can bring a level of extreme adventure to the table that could rival climbing Mount Everest in the risk and cost factor.  This is the inspiration to my Top Ten Tuesdays!

10.  When scouting out a parking spot, it is not acceptable behavior to pass by a soon-to-be available parking spot, throw on the brakes and then proceed to back up (without looking) ten spots to try to get it.  Look, you missed it, move along and give the poor schmuck behind you a opportunity to reap the rewards of your cluelessness while saving his and your bumper!

9.  I notice that blue hairs rarely ever look over their shoulder while backing out.  It is more like this; adjust review mirror, slam into reverse and hit the gas pedal.  Apparently, nothing exists beyond the scope of what is in view of the review mirror.

8.  It seems that those that are BMW owners think that the parking lot is the Autobahn.  If there is a speeding car in the parking lot, it is a BMW 99.9% of the time.  I know that the company once known for making airplanes, but that ship sailed decades ago.  You are not in an airplane ready for take off, you are in a car in a parking lot full of all kinds of obstacles, mainly me and my two small children trying to push a cart to our car.

7.  When you open your door, please be mindful of the GIANT car within 2 feet of yours.  Having your red paint scraped across my door panel just pisses me off!

6.  Mothers, when loading up your groceries, please secure your small children first.  Allowing your children to play chicken with the BMW is not going to fare well for either party.  Do you know how much BMW parts cost to replace?

5. Those that keep Cujo in the car as they run errands.  Nothing is more frightening than while getting out of your car a dog in the car next to you jumps up out of nowhere and is able to stick their head through the crack and snaps at you. Don’t make me have to use my pepper spray on the beast!

4.  Those that leave unruly children in the car, because they would be hellions in the store is not working for you either.  Yes, they are secure in the car, but jumping up and down in the driver’s seat and manhandling all the controls is a recipe for disaster.  Risk them knocking down a few display items than taking out 5 parked cars, a little old lady and her purse dog, and a parking lot light post. Trust me your parenting style will be judged about the same with less damage.  Better yet leave them at home and risk them burning down your house.  At least it would limit it to YOUR stuff being damaged.

3.  When looking for a parking spot please multi task and watch for pedestrians! 

2. When you know someone is waiting ever so patiently for your spot as you load, please  don’t decide you can shift into tortoise mode just to be a PITA.  I saw you zipping across the parking lot and loading up your bags with a purpose before you saw that someone is waiting for you to leave.  Trust me your display of new-found power is just making you look like a Jack-a-lope!

1.  PUT YOUR CART AWAY!  It is beyond me why people have issues with this concept, because they would be the first to have a fit if someone’s abandoned cart plowed into the side of their car or into their tail light.  This is not only the top of this top ten, but this is my biggest pet peeve.  If I can put a cart away with two small children, anyone can!

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A Highway Patrol Officer receives a call that a teenage boy is standing on a freeway ramp holding a sign. At the scene, it reads, “I skipped school today and my mom told me this will be my future.”

When questioned, he had been there for 45 minutes. Then the teen points across the street to his mother’s parked car. As they approach the car he states, “I can’t allow your son to do this, you both please be on your way.”

As he walks away he pauses, “Ma’am, off the record that was genius! May I keep the sign?” It now hangs in a California Highway Patrol kiosk office somewhere in northern California.

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