D-Day is Around the Corner, You Better Not Blow It!

So Mother’s Day is right around the corner, if this was your first indication of that, you are in a pretty sticky situation.   I have always wondered why if you forget Mother’s Day it is far worse of a crime, almost unforgivable, than forgetting Father’s Day.  Maybe it is because we, mothers, carry you nine long months, all the while puking our brains out, and having our bodies turn into the close replica of the local “Holiday Inn”.   Then we have the pleasure of either having to push out or reenact the infamous Alien scene in birthing an 8 pound bowling ball. 

Then there are the endless nights of the lack of sleep, diapers, and vomit flu fests.  Let’s not forget to mention being the sucker that drew the shortest straw and now has to drive you and four of your troglodyte peers to and from practice for the season and then has the joys of having to fill in as the “team laundry” mom since the coach wants to save money. 

These said hardships are only the tip of the iceberg of what moms endure for the sake of loving her kids.  Most of  us never complain, unless we have a blog to carry that burden, and we take our job seriously.  So, if you forgot that special mom, get your butt in gear and go take care of business in doing something that shows her that you appreciate her and the role that she had in your life.  Buying a card isn’t going to cut it. 

If you are still stumped, you can go on over to my recent cold hard cash published piece for a few ideas (yes, I am tooting my horn… TOOT, TOOT!) that is on the new and updated Blissfully Domestic  web-based magizine. 

Good luck and may I only hear of wonderful “Mama is happy” stories come Monday!

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A Brief Visit from an Old Nemesis

Last night I snuggled in and turned on the TV for my Sunday drool fest of watching Bill Paxton in Big Love.   About half-way through I found my stomach not feeling so hot.  I tried to ignore it and follow the plot, but it got stronger and stronger.  Dagnamit! I think I am getting what my two petri dishes had the latter part of the week! 

I finished the show and headed upstairs and went to bed.   I laid there negotiating with my new visitor, but old nemesis, Linda Blair who was sitting on my bed,  that since I had hyperemesis (extreme morning sickness) during both of my pregnancies for a combined 50 plus weeks that I paid my dues of having stomach ailments and that she needs to move along to another house, preferably to the a-hole that cut me off in the rain driving like a jackalope. 

She stayed and proceeded to move closer and closer to me.  I practiced meditating (that by the way is a total crock and don’t waste your time), breathed through the nausea and prayed that I was not going to be reliving the wonderful Sunday dinner I made that night. 

Now she is sitting on top of me, just like she did when I was pregnant!  I am sweating, the room is spinning and my stomach is on fire, but I am determined I am not going to toss my cookies.  That only pissed her off and now she has somehow managed to reach in and twist my insides and jump up and down on my stomach at the same time. ” Uncle! Uncle!”, I screamed as I sprinted to the bathroom and  . . . I don’t need to get that graphic, you all get what just happened. 

That whole scenario went on four more times until the around 4 am.  Finally Linda Blair lost interests in me and headed off to bother some other petri dish infected house or newly pregnant woman. 

I laid there exhausted and a little traumatized that I did this day in and day out 24-hours a day for weeks months on end and one of the pregnancies I was caring for an infant/toddler without help outside of the hubs that had to work everyday and leave me with that wretched Linda Blair, my IV bag and my infant who turned into a toddler while I was still going through it.  I found out this morning, the hubs laid there traumatized reliving our hell in his head too.

This morning when I woke up I had that same stomach flu nausea feeling that set the pace for each and every waking minute of my day while incubating my two kids. With two miscarriages with no symptoms of being pregnant, I knew both times with my two viable pregnancies that they were sticking by how sick I was.   I had a moment of confusion and can I say dispair, was I pregnant again?  That can’t be, I shut the plant down during the birth of PD2! 

Borrowed from blog buddy,Your Personal Super Hero!

I looked at the bottom of my bed and she was not there, Linda Blair that is.  Oh, thank God!  I am at the tail end of the stomach flu! I got up, got dressed and forced myself down stairs and started my day and even mopped my floors. 

I feel pretty crappy and my stomach is pretty unhappy, but hey, I not only survived Linda Blair last night, but I survived her for over a year and half of my life with both pregnancies combined.  Nothing could ever be that bad, so Linda Blair may of won last night, but she is not going to win today!

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No Gold Star for Me!

Today I took PD2 to her 18-month check-up.  I grabbed a bag that I have packed with diapers, wipes and diaper rash cream and added a toy to the mix for the wait.  We headed out and all was well until Linda Blair showed up in the backseat as we were pulling into the doctor’s office parking area.  There is PD2 strapped down in  a five-point harness car seat spewing the contents of her very healthy and nutritious breakfast of chocolate milk and Apple Jacks; yes, a breakfast for future champions!  On a side note I am holding my breath if this was a bout of her random car sickness issues or if she has that god-awful bug that is going around, only time will tell on that one! 

I look back and she is covered from head to toe in stomach contents and I think know that a colorful metaphor flew out of my mouth that refers to another body content that also expels out of your body!  I did not have another change of clothes on hand, which is beyond me why not.  I never EVER leave without an extra change of clothes.  So there I am gagging (I have a high gag reflux, which came after spending 18- long months with Linda Blair while I was pregnant with both kids) while I scooping up the mess with wipes into a few zip lock baggies I had on hand.  I finally strip and clean off PD2 and wrap her in my sweater coat since is cold here right now. . . or should I rephrase for my fellow bloggers that live anywhere but sunny Southern California that it is cooler now, and headed into the doctor’s office. 

As I walk in, I am greeted by the doc himself and he laughed at the sight that just walked in shaking his head.  We have grown a professional fondness for each other over the past three years.  I admire and respect his style of treatment and I think he likes that I refer the heck out to him and I tend to amuse him with my quirky personality and sayings.   There is a new family with their days old baby sitting in the corner and I am trying to play off the fact that I am bringing in my kid in almost her birthday suit so they don’t run screaming for the hills that their baby is going to get horribly sick from my pukie smelling bundle of  joy!   I also heard a mother sitting on the other side of the room tell another mother that now she feels better that she did not put shoes or socks on her kid as she looks my direction. 

I was quickly called into the exam room and when the doc came into examine her, I told him what happened.  I was sheepish in the fact I SUCKED as a mother in not being prepared and of all times to blow it, is to be in front of the pediatrician!  He went on with his exam telling me that he once was thrown up on by his daughter as they were taking off on a flight and had to deal with wearing it for two hours.  Ok, so this happens to the best of us, even a doctor.  I am feeling more comfortable and thinking at the end of the visit I will get my normal gold star stamp of approval of my excellent care of my rug rats! 

So, as he was leaving, I asked, “Sooooo, I know the kid will get the sucker, but am I going to get my gold star?”  He laughed and shook his head  and he followed it up with, “I like PD2’s new fashion statement, but be thankful that it was not raining today.”

Rat Bastard! No Gold Star for me and I now must go and clean up after Pukefest 2011!

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Added Course to University of Grocery Cart Management

Please click twice on picture (image) to enlarge to view.

My dear blogging buddy, The Life of Jamie has recently formed a nationally recognized university called, The University of Grocery Cart Management.  I was asked to come on as one of the faculty members offering a course  Parking Lot Navigation ( GCM 204) mainly for my recent research finding on parking lot navigation etiquette.  While preparing for this class, I came across an immediate reason for a  prerequisite class to GMC 204.  This course will be offered immediately and is titled, Get Your Head Out of Your Gluteus Maximus and READ the Signs (GCM 204.a).

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The Hubs

 

* I am using an image of Peter Krause since many have said that the hubs looks very much like this actor.  Peter’s current role in Parenthood, actually not only looks like the hubs, but reminds me of the hubs.   Except the hubs is not nearly as uptight.

Well, I guess it is time to introduce the guy that is behind the name of Pie Hole, that would be my best friend, thorn in my side, the one that can push all my buttons and at the end of the day I somehow like him enough that I don’t poison his food. 

This is the man who took on a challenge me (I still think he may have lost a bet somewhere down the line) and has been the best thing that ever happened to me outside of my kids, but without him I wouldn’t have them, so that makes him the BEST thing that ever happened to me. 

He can put the Pie Hole in its place and make me laugh like no other. 

He has integrity that I strive to model.

He is tight  good with money to the point I am almost certain my over a carat diamond engagement ring was once a piece of coal (if you don’t know how he could have made a diamond from a piece of coal,  please crawl out from under that rock).

He is the most amazing daddy to my girls and it brings tears to my eyes to see this amazing bond he has with them.  He is the bar that they will set for their future partners and that is a very high bar. 

He wants to run and hid when emotional issues surface (God has a sick sense of humor in trying to stretch us, he was given nothing but girls, even the dog.)  Can’t wait till the puberty years hit this house.

He is someone I admire and respect.  He respects me and cherishes me.  We see eye to eye on most everything and those we don’t we can still listen and respect each other in our stance.

He is a MacGyver  in every sense of the word.  That man can fix and do anything.  

He has a sassy mouth and has a sarcasm that can outdo me. 

He wears MC Hammer jam pants still when he lounges and it amuses many of my friends.  He actually will go out of his way to put on a pair when one girlfriend comes over. 

His friendships are deep and long and he is respected and successful at his work.

He is the current president of the National Nerd Herd Association, and noting is more exciting than having a house full of Mechanical Engineers on a Saturday night (seriously) It is like an episode of Jack- Ass meets Myth Busters without the stupid 12-year-old toilet humor.

I hit jack pot when I ran off to Vegas and committed my life to him at the “Garden of Love” wedding chapel.  He is the only stable thing I ever had in my life outside of my God-given drive to be a strong and independent person. 

He is my Polaris, my North Star.  Always there never-failing and always shining.

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Free 2 Work!

I have  a good friend that has humanitarian as part of her DNA.  She is a child psychologist that focuses on PTSD in children and young adults.  She has led teams to Shir Lanka 6 weeks post the devastating tsunami and then did follow-up six months later.  She has traveled the world working with oppressed and traumatized people.  Recently she headed off to South East Asia to work with orphanages and safe havens for those that are fighting to stay off the radar of human trafficking and sold into sex and other forms of slavery.   This developed a passion that she is taking on and doing something about.

Currently she is trying to raise around 40k to build a safe haven for those that have their mark on them to be sold into the sex industry of South East Asia.  This is a place where these kids will live, grow up and be educated and protected from those, mostly family members, from being auctioned off for pennies on the dollar to be prostituted out at young as the age of five. 

Unfortunately, it does not just stop in the remote parts of the world.  It is here in the US in a very serious way.  There is a big question of the millions of  illegals that are in the this nation, how many are here against their will with death threats to themselves and their families if they do not comply with those that they fell into the hand of for trafficking and slavery.  There have been several sting operations that have been successful in my county alone within “massage” parlors and drug houses that is clear evidence that this is happening here on our soil.  

It just does not stop there with the US and the world having some responsibility in this issue.  Companies that take their business overseas  or across the border for a higher profit are not holding up their end of the deal on ensuring a realistic work environment that ensures safety and humane working conditions. They are not holding up their end of the deal to ensure that children are not being born into indentured families and having to work in insane work environments as early as the age of five or seven years of age.  

Free 2 Work is an organization that is slowly setting up a resource for consumers to be able to make informed decisions on the products they are chosing to buy and be able to boycott the ones that are not holding up their end of the deal of ensuring safety and humane treatment of the people who make or are a part of the manufacturing of that product.  It is graded from A-F on the US standards of manufacturing.  Obviously we can’t hold other countries to our standards, we can’t even do that without killing the profits of a company (that why is we send a vast majority overseas or across the border to be manufactured).  However, this website seems to be realistic in the fact that an A to a C- rating are companies that we can still do business with.  Those lower than that, need to get their act together and stop looking away from crimes on humanity. 

They have developed an application for your smart phone where you can scan an item and get a rating, that can help with making informed choices and not being part of enabling companies being able to profit and get away with bad horrifing business practices. 

This is something we all should think about;  it is our fiduciary responsibility as consumers to think about it. If you knew for a fact that the shirt or sneakers you are wearing were made by a child that was 5 years old or anyone of any age for that matter,  working 16-18 hours a day, never seeing the light of day, beaten, on machinery that exposes to radiation and/or no safety guards in place where there are daily amputees and serious injuries would you really want to support a company’s profits and wear that? 

Learning about this has changed our household and how we look at products before we buy them.  I wanted to get a Leap Frog toy for my child, and I will not now that I know they have a D- rating.  I love Carter’s children’s clothing, especially their jammies, but they get an F because they will not respond or communicate their business practices (which means they don’t feel they have a responsibility to be transparent to the consumer providing them their profits).  

 Free 2 Work is a good starting point on trying to make a difference in how consumers of the world hold companies accountable to just being humane. 

 http://free2work.org/home

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Holiday Haiku

This is my first attempt at haiku!  I am starting a New Year’s Resolution of branching out in other forms of writing to challenge myself and was inspired by this one with the lady yelling at her mother on the phone while I was at the mall the other day.  Think this pretty much sums it up!

the holidays –

                           family time

                                         

                                                nails on chalkboard

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Don’t Bother Me, I’m Napping!

We are getting ready to leave for our Thanksgiving family vacation! I have the bags packed, the mail organized the house cleaned, the dog/house sitter arranged and the neighbors notified of our contact info and whereabouts while we are gone.   We also had to go and get a real alarm system installed on our house because our “watch dog” would rather be napping all day (seriously, that  is what she does all day, everyday) than fiercely protecting her domain and her people that dwell within its four walls. 

She is very particular on her nap environment, she must have a blanket down on the couch to cuddle up with and she has to have a pillow to lay her doggie princess head on. If we cover her up, she is in blissful heaven and actually purrs like a cat. So now, this 50 lb lap- dog- pound- puppy rules the roost in regards that her masters had to get an alarm system because heaven forbid a burglar attempts to break in and interrupt her beloved nappy time.  Yes, we are not dog owners, we are owned by our dog.

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One of the Best One Hit Wonders!

Be on a look out for a Top Ten Tuesday Best One Hit Wonders in the near future!  This is one of my favorites, Major Tom, by Peter Schilling, that will make the list.  It is Sunday afternoon so  just crank it and enjoy it, especially you Idiot and Frolicking Lady!

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The Kid 1 + The Kid 2 = 2 Petri Dishes

If you have been reading my blog, (there is about four of you – thank you!) you have noticed that I have been using the words “petri dish” a lot.  One thing I have noticed while reading other fellow bloggers is that they give their kids and spouses nicknames to “protect the innocent”.   Perpetually Peeved named her kids “Smalls” and and “Biggie”  Conflicted Mean Girl named her kid “Boogie”, both are two blogging moms I like.  

In that spirit I decided that my two blessed children, who are ages one and two, will be given the names of Petri Dish 1 (PD1) and Petri Dish 2 (PD2).  I know that is not as creative as some of my counter parts, but when the shoe fits wear it!    Two weeks ago we started  a week mommy and me school once a week and since then we have been under attack of a bad cold, bronchitis, and sinus infections. Currently in Camp Pie Hole the invasion of the “petri dish” continues!  We are now under the attack of a possible positive strep culture from PD 2 (we will find out the results this afternoon) which means PD1  more that likely will follow suit. 

Those that know me well, knows I have the tolerance for germs the way either side has on the Gaza Strip has for each other.  So when Camp Pie Hole is under attack of unwanted germs, I have my arsenal of Clorox products working in full force; thank God for Costco!   My hands are chapped and dried out do to the overuse of the product.  For some reason I think that I can rewind the infestation of what the little slimy petri dish hands brought to the table, chairs, walls, couches, toys and etc.  It drives the hubs crazy, but he knows just to let me obsess rather than try to intervene since I may start wiping him down with Clorox wipes. 

It is only the beginning of Cold and Flu season, it is going to be a long fall and winter and I should probably buy stock in Clorox.

(1??lbs – too sick to care to check the weight, even though I know I have lost some, check back tomorrow.)

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