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Posts Tagged ‘online shopping’

We are in a world of Wi-fi, smart phones, DVR machines, Google, Facebook, Twitter, GPS, and even cars that can turn on by simply pushing a button.  Heck, my Miele double ovens have more features than the average mid-sized sedan.  In all of this advancement in technology there is one part of the equation that is not meeting its demands – the human race.  We seem to be reverting backwards in society where the only thing we have to show for the progression of technology are sore thumbs and more opportunities to morph into troglodytes.  This is the inspiration of my Top Ten Tuesdays:

10:  No one can spell anymore.  Yes, and I have to say I too, have thrown that whole notion out of the window.  Why would I ever continue to waste my time in learning to spell when  my smart phone not only checks my spelling but actually anticipates correctly the word I want to use with only two characters entered?

9. What would we do without  GOOGLE:  Why would anyone ever go to the library to do research and used the Dewey Decimal System when you can stay at home in you skivvies and drink booze while doing your reasearch?  All you have to do is type in your misspelled search words and Google will spit out nine million options on that subject AND most of all supply a healthy amount of porn to go along with it.  All the Dewey Decimal System did for me in college was add five extra hours to my time spent in the friggin’ libary with no “happy endings”. 

8. Blue Hairs.  This generation is just a lost cause.  They are still trying to figure out the  “Clap On” light switch and the thought of trying get them to hop on the world-wide web-internet highway without stalling out and having “fatal” error messages appear all over their computer screen is almost impossible.

7.  Customer service is no longer an instant service.  Yes, you know what I am talking about.  You call and you get a computer answering service that asks you to speak certain things, yet never understands what you are saying.  All you get out of the call is, “Sorry I did not get that, please try again.”  Which sadly ends in, “Sorry, we cannot understand your request, please hang up and try your call again.”  By this time you are throwing your phone across the room crusing up a storm and now you not only do not have the information you needed, but you have to go to the store and replace a phone to go through the same thing again.  

6.  No one can write with a pen or pencil.  Pretty soon babies are going to be born with hands and fingers in “text ready” position. It is already stating, all that most people can do is sign their name on the dotted line. 

5. Mail a letter? What is a Stamp? Isn’t that what email is for?  Who needs to know how to lick a stamp, let alone know even what a stamp is when all you have to do is send an email.  Right now I can tell  you that the mail I get on a daily basis is only advertisements and a few bills.  On the slim chance there is a card or letter in the mail from a friend of family member, I see the beam from heaven shining down on my little mail box and as I open it, I hear Handel’s Messiah!

4. Never leave home for it.  Who needs to knock the stank off,  get dressed, put on the war paint and drive to a store and interact with humanity to get items needed when with just one click of the mouse, you have your hearts’ desire with free shipping.  You can even have your groceries dropped off at your door. 

3.   Twittering and Tweeting are not longer just for the birds.  There was a time when all the tweeting you heard was the cute little robin or sparrow sitting outside your window.  Now all you get is the annoying chirp of your smart phone letting you know someone just tweeted.

2.  Who needs doctors when there is the internet?  It seems that thanks to modern technology and the internet, those that spent sleepless nights serving their medical residencies, are now being replaced by some blogger that is probably living his mother’s basement high on bad weed and is now your “authority” on the rash that you currently have.  Sure he may have a rash, but it is due to the combination of bad weed and not moving from his computer screen for  three days.

1. Diarrhea of the Facebook and Twitter:  I will admit, I enjoy getting updates and pictures posted to my Facebook account to stay connected with many of my inner and outer circle.  HOWEVER, I  did not need to know that you are checking in and out of the grocery store, the gym, Bed, Bath and Beyond, the proctologist, the local “dispensary”  and now the bathroom.   I also love those that have no sense of self edit or restraint of their virtual pie holes and accidentally post something catty about somebody on the wall of the person they are being catty about. Or better yet, just post something horribly embarrassing to their character of what a total tool they are.   It is amusing to watch that fire storms brew when that happens.  You can pretty much tell who will NOT be coming to the next Holiday dinner in certain families.

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Well, I am back, and Top Ten Tuesday’s will be kicked back into gear with one of my favorite holiday past times, Cyber Mondays!  Thanks to the Idiot, he was the inspiration of this post.  My experience was a polar opposite of his. There were no error messages or having to toss the computer around.  However, there was a ton of chain-smoking and caffeine involved!

Need I Say More?

Black Friday- Really People Enjoy This?Need I Say More?

                                                                                                                                               VS.

Nothing but a Zen Moment!

10.  No one has to get up after eating turkey the day prior at some ungodly hour (2 am) and have to load up on a huge amount to of caffeine to try to counter act the tryptophan effect!

9.  You are not having to stand obscenely close to strangers that smell funny.  Trust me, what Thanksgiving meals do to some people should never be relived, especially in a “boob to back line”!

8.  You get to stay home in the comfort of your jammies and look stupid doing it, but no one cares.  Seriously people! If you have time to put make up on, you have time to put some friggin’ normal clothes on! Jammies only look cute on 2 year olds, not middle-aged women.

7. The only risk of injury is carpel tunnel, not being trampled to death by an obsessive mob wanting the one of three dancing Mickey Mouse dolls, that will only drive you crazy after the first hour of the box being opened.

6. Coffee always tastes better at home.

5. I can be at my favorite ten stores at the same time!

4. I can yell at my kids with “Leave Mommy alone, go play!” and, ” Don’t bother me, Mommy is shopping right now!” without anyone giving me the evil eye of my bad parenting moment.

3. I don’t have to worry about the risk of my kiddos finding out  what “Santa” gets them. It comes to my door in a box and goes straight to the attic until Christmas Eve wrap-a-thone!

2. I am guaranteed not having to schlep all the gifts for out-of-town friends and family to the post office, stand in line for most of the holiday season and pay an enormous shipping fee.  With one click of the mouse that whole experience fades away and it is always free shipping!

1.  The only holiday season a–holes I have to deal with are the over exhausted, but very attractive UPS/FED EX drivers, which a plate of cookies and bottled water  remedies any ill feeling towards my address.

Happy holidays to all your fantastic blog buddies!

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I love Gymboree! I shop you like you are free!

I can shop you at home, so I don’t have to use a comb.

While sipping on my tea!

You have all that I want and you do nothing but taunt.

I love when your shipping is free!

It can be bad when my husband gets mad

When I say with Gymbucks it was free!

I get all warm and pinkie when I dress the girls like Twinkies.

It is fun for all who look to see!

UPS knows my name asks what is so special in the box that is always the same.

I say it is Gymboree you should get some yourself and it will bring you glee!

Once in a while I drive a mile.

To your store the girls and me.

You have entertainment for my little crew and little chairs that fit them too!

This makes my time very carefree!

I fear the day when no they will say.

They day the girls are taller than me!

Oh how I love you Gymboree I will do my part and treat you like art.

Keeping the girls looking sharp is my key.

I will follow your every line and make many pieces mine.

Oh the joy you bring me!

My addiction to you comes with a great cost, but without you I would be lost!

So for now to feed the need I will readily pay the needed fee!

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