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Posts Tagged ‘Top Ten Lists’

We are in a world of Wi-fi, smart phones, DVR machines, Google, Facebook, Twitter, GPS, and even cars that can turn on by simply pushing a button.  Heck, my Miele double ovens have more features than the average mid-sized sedan.  In all of this advancement in technology there is one part of the equation that is not meeting its demands – the human race.  We seem to be reverting backwards in society where the only thing we have to show for the progression of technology are sore thumbs and more opportunities to morph into troglodytes.  This is the inspiration of my Top Ten Tuesdays:

10:  No one can spell anymore.  Yes, and I have to say I too, have thrown that whole notion out of the window.  Why would I ever continue to waste my time in learning to spell when  my smart phone not only checks my spelling but actually anticipates correctly the word I want to use with only two characters entered?

9. What would we do without  GOOGLE:  Why would anyone ever go to the library to do research and used the Dewey Decimal System when you can stay at home in you skivvies and drink booze while doing your reasearch?  All you have to do is type in your misspelled search words and Google will spit out nine million options on that subject AND most of all supply a healthy amount of porn to go along with it.  All the Dewey Decimal System did for me in college was add five extra hours to my time spent in the friggin’ libary with no “happy endings”. 

8. Blue Hairs.  This generation is just a lost cause.  They are still trying to figure out the  “Clap On” light switch and the thought of trying get them to hop on the world-wide web-internet highway without stalling out and having “fatal” error messages appear all over their computer screen is almost impossible.

7.  Customer service is no longer an instant service.  Yes, you know what I am talking about.  You call and you get a computer answering service that asks you to speak certain things, yet never understands what you are saying.  All you get out of the call is, “Sorry I did not get that, please try again.”  Which sadly ends in, “Sorry, we cannot understand your request, please hang up and try your call again.”  By this time you are throwing your phone across the room crusing up a storm and now you not only do not have the information you needed, but you have to go to the store and replace a phone to go through the same thing again.  

6.  No one can write with a pen or pencil.  Pretty soon babies are going to be born with hands and fingers in “text ready” position. It is already stating, all that most people can do is sign their name on the dotted line. 

5. Mail a letter? What is a Stamp? Isn’t that what email is for?  Who needs to know how to lick a stamp, let alone know even what a stamp is when all you have to do is send an email.  Right now I can tell  you that the mail I get on a daily basis is only advertisements and a few bills.  On the slim chance there is a card or letter in the mail from a friend of family member, I see the beam from heaven shining down on my little mail box and as I open it, I hear Handel’s Messiah!

4. Never leave home for it.  Who needs to knock the stank off,  get dressed, put on the war paint and drive to a store and interact with humanity to get items needed when with just one click of the mouse, you have your hearts’ desire with free shipping.  You can even have your groceries dropped off at your door. 

3.   Twittering and Tweeting are not longer just for the birds.  There was a time when all the tweeting you heard was the cute little robin or sparrow sitting outside your window.  Now all you get is the annoying chirp of your smart phone letting you know someone just tweeted.

2.  Who needs doctors when there is the internet?  It seems that thanks to modern technology and the internet, those that spent sleepless nights serving their medical residencies, are now being replaced by some blogger that is probably living his mother’s basement high on bad weed and is now your “authority” on the rash that you currently have.  Sure he may have a rash, but it is due to the combination of bad weed and not moving from his computer screen for  three days.

1. Diarrhea of the Facebook and Twitter:  I will admit, I enjoy getting updates and pictures posted to my Facebook account to stay connected with many of my inner and outer circle.  HOWEVER, I  did not need to know that you are checking in and out of the grocery store, the gym, Bed, Bath and Beyond, the proctologist, the local “dispensary”  and now the bathroom.   I also love those that have no sense of self edit or restraint of their virtual pie holes and accidentally post something catty about somebody on the wall of the person they are being catty about. Or better yet, just post something horribly embarrassing to their character of what a total tool they are.   It is amusing to watch that fire storms brew when that happens.  You can pretty much tell who will NOT be coming to the next Holiday dinner in certain families.

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I  have fundamentals in education (play-based education/Montessori) that tend to somewhat line up with a whole other species of motherhood I can’t relate with – The Granola Mom. 

 I would say that I am a  practical and moderately conservative person in most areas; fiscally, morally, within my scope of  child rearing, and attire and home decor ( I tend to stay true to the classics and not be trendy).  I let my sense of humor and sarcasm take lead in most things and try not to be too ridgid.

I can find my same species of motherhood in this arena, but for some reason the only granola that I can stomach is the one I eat for breakfast.  I try to keep an open mind when I hear their philosophies and ideas (I have a few close friends that fall in this category), but with no avail, I just don’t get it.   This is the inspiration of Top Ten Tuesdays and is not meaning to bring offence to anyone. It is just my personal satire and opinion and if you don’t like what I am saying, then don’t read it.  🙂

10.  The Family Bed: So not my cup of tea.  I don’t mind the occasional snuggle time, but I like my peaceful sleep AND my adult extra curricular time without a foot in my back.

9.  Positive Time Outs:  What is that?  A time out should be anything but positive.  Sit your butt down, think about how you just hit your sister over the head with a toy and be lucky that all you are getting is a time out!

8.  Never Say No to Your Child, Use Positive Reinforcements:  Really, that is going to set them up for success for adulthood? I have heard NO more times than I would like. “NO, you don’t make enough money to buy the car of your dreams”.  “No, you can’t drive above the speed limit, and here is your $150 ticket.”   “NO, you did not get the promotion.”  “NO, he does not want to date you anymore.”

 7.  Never Letting Your Kids Cry It Out/Self Sooth: I have a friend that has not slept in four-year because of this theory of creating abandonment issues if they let them cry it out.  I see how that is working out for the kids and her; she is a zombie and the kids have anxiety issues.  I have two kids that sleep through the night and can entertain themselves well.  Trust me, it is not that I am just “lucky”.  I had to pay the price of a few hard nights and days getting to that point.  NO ONE LIKES TO HEAR THEIR KIDS CRY, but it is my goal to prepare them to be independent and thriving adults and teaching them self soothing skills are the first steps.

6. Mobi Wraps or Slings for Carrying Your Infant: I could never use a Mobi wrap, even though I think they are really cool.  I know I would have dropped my kids on their heads multiple times.  Now, I do think when the kid is ready for High School it is time to get them out of the sling and buy them a car. Trust me, I have seen that.

5. Breastfeeding with No Discretion:  Just whipping it out in public regardless of the setting just because it is your God-given right to do so is disturbing to me.  I am a HUGE advocate of breastfeeding, but let us use a little discretion please! We are not at Marty Gras and you will not get any beads thrown your way for doing so.  Keep second base a novelty!

4. Planting Your Placenta Under A Tree:  Believe it or not I know three people who have done this.   I get the whole primitive idea of this, but the last I checked we have babies in the hospital, we have doctor’s for fertility issues and the idea of asking your doctor to place your placenta in a plastic bucket and then carrying it out of the hospital along with your new bundle of joy is beyond bazaar to me.   I have no idea what they did with my placentas and I would like to keep it that way.  It was bad enough to have the hubs try to photograph my uterus as the doctor was sewing it up.  There are just part of my insides that just needs to stay between it and the medical professionals.

3.  Nine Page Birth Plans:  This one kills me.  As you all know from my postings, The Start of Soapbox Sundays, you know where I stand on this.  I once heard a Labor and Delivery RN say,  “When someone comes in with a nine page birth plan, that usually means they will get a one-way ticket to the OR for an emergency C-section. That is just how the karma seems to work. It is child-birth,  not a trying to achieve a business plan!” 

2.  Breast feeding a Toddler:   I had a rule that when the kids got teeth  the bar was closed and then I pumped until they were close to 12 months old.  Watching  a mother lift up her shirt for a child that walked up to the ‘bar’ and asked for a drink is very disturbing to me.  I have made an observation that it seems more boys are breast-fed later than girls.   I remember when I was in the dating pool, there was a saying, “Chici Boy” which in Spanish essentially means, still on the boob.  Now I get where that saying originated.

1. Not Vaccinating Your Kids:  As we all know Dr. Wakefield manipulated data to prove his theory that certain vaccinations caused autism.  Believe it or not, even with that evidence coming out there are still many that will not vaccinate their kids and illnesses that were once eradicated are alive and well.  Here is the question I asked myself when making that decision to vaccinate before the findings of the information was considered a fraud.  Would I rather risk a chance of autism or a chance of death? To me the answer was quite obvious.

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I live in a community that is filled with stay-at-home moms and blue hairs.  That combination together makes for a very “narcissistic” experience anytime you go out.   Each Friday the kids and I head out to our favorite shopping experience (Trader Joe’s) but getting to and from the car can bring a level of extreme adventure to the table that could rival climbing Mount Everest in the risk and cost factor.  This is the inspiration to my Top Ten Tuesdays!

10.  When scouting out a parking spot, it is not acceptable behavior to pass by a soon-to-be available parking spot, throw on the brakes and then proceed to back up (without looking) ten spots to try to get it.  Look, you missed it, move along and give the poor schmuck behind you a opportunity to reap the rewards of your cluelessness while saving his and your bumper!

9.  I notice that blue hairs rarely ever look over their shoulder while backing out.  It is more like this; adjust review mirror, slam into reverse and hit the gas pedal.  Apparently, nothing exists beyond the scope of what is in view of the review mirror.

8.  It seems that those that are BMW owners think that the parking lot is the Autobahn.  If there is a speeding car in the parking lot, it is a BMW 99.9% of the time.  I know that the company once known for making airplanes, but that ship sailed decades ago.  You are not in an airplane ready for take off, you are in a car in a parking lot full of all kinds of obstacles, mainly me and my two small children trying to push a cart to our car.

7.  When you open your door, please be mindful of the GIANT car within 2 feet of yours.  Having your red paint scraped across my door panel just pisses me off!

6.  Mothers, when loading up your groceries, please secure your small children first.  Allowing your children to play chicken with the BMW is not going to fare well for either party.  Do you know how much BMW parts cost to replace?

5. Those that keep Cujo in the car as they run errands.  Nothing is more frightening than while getting out of your car a dog in the car next to you jumps up out of nowhere and is able to stick their head through the crack and snaps at you. Don’t make me have to use my pepper spray on the beast!

4.  Those that leave unruly children in the car, because they would be hellions in the store is not working for you either.  Yes, they are secure in the car, but jumping up and down in the driver’s seat and manhandling all the controls is a recipe for disaster.  Risk them knocking down a few display items than taking out 5 parked cars, a little old lady and her purse dog, and a parking lot light post. Trust me your parenting style will be judged about the same with less damage.  Better yet leave them at home and risk them burning down your house.  At least it would limit it to YOUR stuff being damaged.

3.  When looking for a parking spot please multi task and watch for pedestrians! 

2. When you know someone is waiting ever so patiently for your spot as you load, please  don’t decide you can shift into tortoise mode just to be a PITA.  I saw you zipping across the parking lot and loading up your bags with a purpose before you saw that someone is waiting for you to leave.  Trust me your display of new-found power is just making you look like a Jack-a-lope!

1.  PUT YOUR CART AWAY!  It is beyond me why people have issues with this concept, because they would be the first to have a fit if someone’s abandoned cart plowed into the side of their car or into their tail light.  This is not only the top of this top ten, but this is my biggest pet peeve.  If I can put a cart away with two small children, anyone can!

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A quick order of housekeeping.  Today I have been on double duty for Top Ten Tuesdays and  was also  featured on the recently Freshly Pressed blog of  The Life of Jamie as her guest blogger! Thank you Jamie, it was fun!

In almost every town in America there are certain neighborhoods that ban together and go all out decorating their houses for Christmas.  They are a festive bunch that are willing to invite all of the public into their neat and tidy cul-de-sac streets and manicured sidewalks.  They even make sure they park in their garages so there are no cars on the street for optimum Christmas light viewing.  Their kids pass out home-made cookies and hot coco and there are even little bins where you can dump your expired canned goods to go towards the homeless.  Yes, it is a bit of Mulberry in the new millennium.  But like anything wonderful and soulful, there has to be a group of jack-a-lopes that have to go and ruin the fun. 

Yes, I am going to bombard everyone with my 12-days of Christmas crap inspired moments well into the New Year!  This moment inspired me enough to make it part of my Top Ten Tuesdays! 

10:  If you decide to bring your dog please clean up after it.  Nothing spreads the smell of holiday cheer than dog poo on the bottom of your shoe which transfers into the car!

9.  If you have kids that must wear roller skates, ride a scooter/skate board or even a bike make them risk it in the middle of the street with the drivers not paying attention to their driving and more to the Whoville exhibit.  I would much rather them get hit from behind than me or my small children.

8.  If you are driving to the area and wish to park and walk the neighborhood, please pay attention to where you friggin’ park.  Seriously? Parking right in front of the house with the Charlie Brown Christmas exhibit works for you?  At least you could pull up six feet and not be blocking Snoopy and the Woodstock!  Really, I saw a whole family in a mini-van do this two nights ago.

7.  If you are going to partake of the goodies supplied by the local kids, give them a buck and pack out your trash!

6.  Don’t allow your kids to play tag in the sea of cool inflatable Christmas characters.  Someone is going to trip over the tie downs and get hurt and somehow it becomes the owner of the house fault.  Again, another true story only in Southern California my friends.  Now you know why Gloria Allred is so successful!

5. Why does someone feel compelled that as long as it is dark outside that it is OK to wear jammies.  It is 6:30 pm, it is not even prime time TV time yet. This goes along with my whole thing with middle-aged women not wearing jammies in public.  

4. You are not cool cruising up and down the streets standing up through your sunroof texting!  What do you think this is? South Beach? Jersey Shore? The only thing that is out looking at Christmas lights are annoyed husbands, grumpy grandparents, screaming kids and frumpy housewives. 

3. Be mindful that there are others wanting to walk along the same sidewalk as you.  So stopping in the middle of the sidewalk while texting, attending to a needed item within your stroller or adjusting yourself is considered rude and it holds everyone hostage to your narcissism. 

2. If you chose to drive instead of walk, turn off your headlights, everyone’s retinas will thank you!

 1. Parents when you let your kids get hopped on Starbucks and then they are running a muck and smack into me or my small child, do not get testy with me when I “accidentally” push them into a bush to slow them down. “Opps, I guess little Timmy should have been more careful on where he was going!  That bush just came out of no where!”

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Now that the weather is changing to have excuses to grab that ol’ Snuggie, comfort goodies and get cozy on the couch with good flicks, I wanted to incorporate my favorite top ten most favorite movies for my Top Ten Tuesday. Hopefully this will either  remind you of a good flick or introduce you to one.   I have a list that should appease most everyone from romantic comedy to action packed, including a couple must see movies during the holidays!  I included the trailers to maximize the relive or introduction moment! Enjoy!

10.)   Love Actually – Ok, so it is number 10, but it is a must see and one of the best love-happy movies I have ever seen.  I watch this while decorating my Christmas Tree each year!  Even the hubs likes this movie!

9.)  Planes, Trains, and Automobiles – I can relate to this movie more than you know and I may be reenacting the “F—ing scene” this Turkey Day while I am at the Alamo car rental kiosk when visiting Colorado based family.

8.) Tommy Boy – I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this movie.  There is not a scene that I don’t think is hilarious and is a movie that makes me miss Chris Farley very much.

7.)  Pride and Prejudice/Juno (they have to share because they rate exactly the same and tied for this spot) –  Let’s start with Pride and Prejudice– I know some of you would think it is a yawn, but I just love it.  Elizabeth Bennett reminds me of how I think I would have been during that time period. I also love the family dynamic and the father, played by Donald Sutherland, is just a warm and hilarious character that I adore  This is the ONLY Jane Austen movie I like.

Juno- Seriously, this movie rocks.  I love the lines, the story of how this screenplay came about and most of all the family dynamic.  I love how everyone handled this “garbage dump of a situation”.  I hope that if I am ever faced with this type of problem with my girls I will use this movie as an inspiration.

6.) National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation – OK, this is my life to a T during the holidays.  We must watch this at lest three times during the holidays.  I have many of these lines memorized and actually use during the season!

5.) Fargo – I love a good “dark” movie.  Yes, it is a bit disturbing because it is based on a true story, but it is an amazing flick!

4.) Christmas Story –  If you don’t like this movie, something is very wrong with you and we can’t be in the same social circle.  I look forward to the holidays for this specific movie.  I have no idea how many times I see this every holiday season since we leave it on in the background starting Christmas Eve and all day Christmas Day via TBS’s 24- hours of a Christmas Story. 

3.) Pulp Fiction – This made the top three.  It is a bit on the raw violence side, but it is an amazing movie.  The “bring out the gimp” scene s a bit distrubing to me, but that is what the FF button is for.  The one thing I noticed, is that this movie does not have a specific score behind the scenes. You know that this is a movie that has legs when you don’t have to have a score for scenes!  

2.) Steel Magnolias – I know, a total chick flick, but anytime I see this on, I stop what I am doing and watch it . . . and yes cry like a baby each and every time.  Shirley Maclain and Olympia Dukakis are my favorite characters in this movie.  I actually love the quote by Olympia Dukakis said to Dolly Parton, “You know what they say, If you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, come sit by me!”  That is usually how I open each “gossip girl’s night out”. 

1.) Shawshank Redemption – I can’t tell you how much I love this movie.  This movie speaks for itself and that is why it is number 1! 

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