I am in back-to-back birthday party hell mode this month. It seems all my friends that are really close to me are having birthday parties for their little ones that are in the same age range as PD1 and PD2. It is one of those things that you know you need to do to be a good friend and to encourage your kids to enjoy. Let’s be honest here, if all you parents sit down and truly assess the whole “other” kid birthday parties, you would have to agree most of you would rather watch paint dry, have hemorrhoid surgery or endure physical therapy (that’s for you, Idiot) than have to sit through a weekend afternoon with the results of other people’s bad parenting mistakes kids. This is the inspiration to my Top Ten Tuesday!
10. You get the invitation for a 3-year-old birthday party that says “NO GIFTS” or “Only Educational Toys Please”. Seriously, it is a kid’s birthday party! If I have to go to it at least let me go pick out the most cool but annoyingly loud and obnoxious toy and relish in the fact that it is not at my house. And really, aren’t all toys educational? Heck even “adult toys” have some level of educational value to them!
9. The party starts right smack in the middle of nap time hours. Oh joy! Nothing excites me more that sleep deprived toddlers hopped up on sugar!
8. No booze. OK, I get it is for the kids, but if it is a party that requires me to have to schlep two kids, by myself, and all the swag that goes along with it, then go sit and watch the organized chaos, or not, for two hours, shouldn’t I be at least rewarded with a glass of wine or cocktail? Again, it all goes back to booze makes everything better.
7. Gift Bags. I get that is nice to have a little parting prize for the kiddos but do we have to try to reenact the Oscar’s after-party swag bags? A sandbox bucket, a thing of bubbles and a sticker is more than enough! Even though the gesture is nice, the toddler did not need a cruise on Carnival along with the bucket and few sand toys.
6. Games. Having small children try to play musical chairs is a lot like trying to herd cats. Again, I have a lot more patience for that, with a cocktail in my hand!
5. Cake. Now, I love cake! I love to make cakes! At this age cupcakes are the way to go. Nothing is harder to manage than a piece of cake for two small children. At least with a cupcake, it is a finger food and can be manhandled and tolerate the mutilation a small child can bring upon the situation. Clean up is still bad, just not as nearly as bad.
4. Rain. NOTHING is worse than being cooped up in a house with ten small children and their parents all hopped up on sugar, not napped and stir crazy. Again, where is my cocktail?
3. No Bounce House/Jolly Jump. Pulling up to a party, nothing is more relieving for me to see than a Bounce House/Jolly Jump. I actually get some mingle time and the kids will sleep like champs that night! Oh, bless the creator of the Bounce House/Jolly Jump.
2. No Opening of the Presents. What? That is the best part! Sure it makes the kids a bit antsy and some may feel left out, but IT IS NOT THEIR BIRTHDAY! This is the first lesson on self-control and being happy on the outside even though you are green with envy on the inside and want to kick that kid’s ass for getting cooler toys than you have. I love seeing the expression of the kid as he/she opens the gift we took all the time and effort to get, wrap and drag to the party. I have also noticed it brings a very early stage of joy to PD2 to see that her little buddy liked what she got them. Maybe I am a freak, but I love giving more than receiving! Get you minds out of the gutters, this a post about kid birthday parties!
1. Other People’s Kids. Need I say more?
A Piece of the Pie Hole 