A Brief Visit from an Old Nemesis

Last night I snuggled in and turned on the TV for my Sunday drool fest of watching Bill Paxton in Big Love.   About half-way through I found my stomach not feeling so hot.  I tried to ignore it and follow the plot, but it got stronger and stronger.  Dagnamit! I think I am getting what my two petri dishes had the latter part of the week! 

I finished the show and headed upstairs and went to bed.   I laid there negotiating with my new visitor, but old nemesis, Linda Blair who was sitting on my bed,  that since I had hyperemesis (extreme morning sickness) during both of my pregnancies for a combined 50 plus weeks that I paid my dues of having stomach ailments and that she needs to move along to another house, preferably to the a-hole that cut me off in the rain driving like a jackalope. 

She stayed and proceeded to move closer and closer to me.  I practiced meditating (that by the way is a total crock and don’t waste your time), breathed through the nausea and prayed that I was not going to be reliving the wonderful Sunday dinner I made that night. 

Now she is sitting on top of me, just like she did when I was pregnant!  I am sweating, the room is spinning and my stomach is on fire, but I am determined I am not going to toss my cookies.  That only pissed her off and now she has somehow managed to reach in and twist my insides and jump up and down on my stomach at the same time. ” Uncle! Uncle!”, I screamed as I sprinted to the bathroom and  . . . I don’t need to get that graphic, you all get what just happened. 

That whole scenario went on four more times until the around 4 am.  Finally Linda Blair lost interests in me and headed off to bother some other petri dish infected house or newly pregnant woman. 

I laid there exhausted and a little traumatized that I did this day in and day out 24-hours a day for weeks months on end and one of the pregnancies I was caring for an infant/toddler without help outside of the hubs that had to work everyday and leave me with that wretched Linda Blair, my IV bag and my infant who turned into a toddler while I was still going through it.  I found out this morning, the hubs laid there traumatized reliving our hell in his head too.

This morning when I woke up I had that same stomach flu nausea feeling that set the pace for each and every waking minute of my day while incubating my two kids. With two miscarriages with no symptoms of being pregnant, I knew both times with my two viable pregnancies that they were sticking by how sick I was.   I had a moment of confusion and can I say dispair, was I pregnant again?  That can’t be, I shut the plant down during the birth of PD2! 

Borrowed from blog buddy,Your Personal Super Hero!

I looked at the bottom of my bed and she was not there, Linda Blair that is.  Oh, thank God!  I am at the tail end of the stomach flu! I got up, got dressed and forced myself down stairs and started my day and even mopped my floors. 

I feel pretty crappy and my stomach is pretty unhappy, but hey, I not only survived Linda Blair last night, but I survived her for over a year and half of my life with both pregnancies combined.  Nothing could ever be that bad, so Linda Blair may of won last night, but she is not going to win today!

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The Clock Just Struck!

Well, as in my pervious blog, I had a little bit of concern that the car sickness may be upgraded to the horrid bug that is going around.  Tick-tock – bong, my initial diagnosis was wrong!  Now PD1 has just christened the porcelain  god for the first time of many in her life AND I just got a call from a friend that watched Pd2 yesterday that her rug rat is has been paid a visit by Linda Blair.   So now I am on “super mommy” duty or as the hubs says, ” earning your keep duty”. 

Sound the alarm, the house has been placed on “The House of Petri Dish” status.  Meals for all will consist of apple sauce, oatmeal, dry toast, eggs, broth frozen fruit pops and wine (for the adults in the house – the best coping Rx a person can find.)  I will be disinfecting everything that moves and stands like mad and the washing machine is getting a good work out.  I will let you know how I fair and if I can dodge the visit from Linda Blair myself. 

Now back to my duties.  . . where did I place my glass of wine kiddie pool on a stem?

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The Never Ending House of Petri!

OK, I cry UNCLE!  For the past twenty-four hours I have been dealing with vomit, vomit, and more vomit!  Seriously!  My 13-month old, PD2, has decided to test out the 24- hour bug on me starting yesterday at while at a play date which continued on into today. 

Here it is 7:20 pm and in the past twenty -four hours have done three additional loads of laundry, three showers with me included, since I have been the absorption of much of the volume,  had four hours of sleep,  disinfected every toy in the house (yes, I do ALL the toys anytime a serious plague strikes Camp Pie Hole) and on a good note, I am completely caught up on Top Chef and Top Chef Just Desserts, thanks to having to snuggle the little patient for hours.  

Those who say motherhood/parenthood is a treasure and one should cherish every moment are not parents of small children that have ever been sick.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I get that this comes with the territory of having small children, but three weeks of sickness in this camp! Come on!  I am just calling a truce via my blog with the “Petri Dish gods” that Camp Pie Hole is done with this nonsense and the white flag is waving high and strong! Oh, God, I hope that PD1 doesn’t get it . . . oh well, I have more crap to catch up on the trusted ol’ DVR.

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The Kid 1 + The Kid 2 = 2 Petri Dishes

If you have been reading my blog, (there is about four of you – thank you!) you have noticed that I have been using the words “petri dish” a lot.  One thing I have noticed while reading other fellow bloggers is that they give their kids and spouses nicknames to “protect the innocent”.   Perpetually Peeved named her kids “Smalls” and and “Biggie”  Conflicted Mean Girl named her kid “Boogie”, both are two blogging moms I like.  

In that spirit I decided that my two blessed children, who are ages one and two, will be given the names of Petri Dish 1 (PD1) and Petri Dish 2 (PD2).  I know that is not as creative as some of my counter parts, but when the shoe fits wear it!    Two weeks ago we started  a week mommy and me school once a week and since then we have been under attack of a bad cold, bronchitis, and sinus infections. Currently in Camp Pie Hole the invasion of the “petri dish” continues!  We are now under the attack of a possible positive strep culture from PD 2 (we will find out the results this afternoon) which means PD1  more that likely will follow suit. 

Those that know me well, knows I have the tolerance for germs the way either side has on the Gaza Strip has for each other.  So when Camp Pie Hole is under attack of unwanted germs, I have my arsenal of Clorox products working in full force; thank God for Costco!   My hands are chapped and dried out do to the overuse of the product.  For some reason I think that I can rewind the infestation of what the little slimy petri dish hands brought to the table, chairs, walls, couches, toys and etc.  It drives the hubs crazy, but he knows just to let me obsess rather than try to intervene since I may start wiping him down with Clorox wipes. 

It is only the beginning of Cold and Flu season, it is going to be a long fall and winter and I should probably buy stock in Clorox.

(1??lbs – too sick to care to check the weight, even though I know I have lost some, check back tomorrow.)

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Top Ten Reasons Why Mothers Should Be Exempt from Sickness

The  inspiration behind this Top Ten Tuesday was being haul up for 4-days with the first really bad flu/cold I have had in 3 years!

10.  Even though the hubs tries hard to be helpful, you know that when you surface you will have a mess to contend with.

9.    The laundry does not get done.

8.   The house does not get clean.

7.  Motherhood equals instant  immunity to NyQuil (seriously it no longer works for me and I check the expiration date!)

6.  If the kids are sick you are really screwed.

5.  The kids develop diaper rash since you can’t smell the deposit.

4.  Being hauled up in bed with a remote with a 102 degree fever, chills, sore throat and can’t breath is not my idea of rest. Who wants to watch TV when their head is about to explode and they think they are about to die?

3.  No one wants to come and help out for the fear of catching the plague too!

2.  Mommy’s can’t truly call in sick.

1.  It is just days away of the hubs showing signs and symptoms of him catching this and the world that we know it will be over!

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