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Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

I found that best gift for all you ladies to give to that special man in your life and maybe the Idiot can pass this idea on to  Ms. Idiot.  After seeing this infomercial no man’s stocking should be without this, this Christmas morning!

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A quick order of housekeeping.  Today I have been on double duty for Top Ten Tuesdays and  was also  featured on the recently Freshly Pressed blog of  The Life of Jamie as her guest blogger! Thank you Jamie, it was fun!

In almost every town in America there are certain neighborhoods that ban together and go all out decorating their houses for Christmas.  They are a festive bunch that are willing to invite all of the public into their neat and tidy cul-de-sac streets and manicured sidewalks.  They even make sure they park in their garages so there are no cars on the street for optimum Christmas light viewing.  Their kids pass out home-made cookies and hot coco and there are even little bins where you can dump your expired canned goods to go towards the homeless.  Yes, it is a bit of Mulberry in the new millennium.  But like anything wonderful and soulful, there has to be a group of jack-a-lopes that have to go and ruin the fun. 

Yes, I am going to bombard everyone with my 12-days of Christmas crap inspired moments well into the New Year!  This moment inspired me enough to make it part of my Top Ten Tuesdays! 

10:  If you decide to bring your dog please clean up after it.  Nothing spreads the smell of holiday cheer than dog poo on the bottom of your shoe which transfers into the car!

9.  If you have kids that must wear roller skates, ride a scooter/skate board or even a bike make them risk it in the middle of the street with the drivers not paying attention to their driving and more to the Whoville exhibit.  I would much rather them get hit from behind than me or my small children.

8.  If you are driving to the area and wish to park and walk the neighborhood, please pay attention to where you friggin’ park.  Seriously? Parking right in front of the house with the Charlie Brown Christmas exhibit works for you?  At least you could pull up six feet and not be blocking Snoopy and the Woodstock!  Really, I saw a whole family in a mini-van do this two nights ago.

7.  If you are going to partake of the goodies supplied by the local kids, give them a buck and pack out your trash!

6.  Don’t allow your kids to play tag in the sea of cool inflatable Christmas characters.  Someone is going to trip over the tie downs and get hurt and somehow it becomes the owner of the house fault.  Again, another true story only in Southern California my friends.  Now you know why Gloria Allred is so successful!

5. Why does someone feel compelled that as long as it is dark outside that it is OK to wear jammies.  It is 6:30 pm, it is not even prime time TV time yet. This goes along with my whole thing with middle-aged women not wearing jammies in public.  

4. You are not cool cruising up and down the streets standing up through your sunroof texting!  What do you think this is? South Beach? Jersey Shore? The only thing that is out looking at Christmas lights are annoyed husbands, grumpy grandparents, screaming kids and frumpy housewives. 

3. Be mindful that there are others wanting to walk along the same sidewalk as you.  So stopping in the middle of the sidewalk while texting, attending to a needed item within your stroller or adjusting yourself is considered rude and it holds everyone hostage to your narcissism. 

2. If you chose to drive instead of walk, turn off your headlights, everyone’s retinas will thank you!

 1. Parents when you let your kids get hopped on Starbucks and then they are running a muck and smack into me or my small child, do not get testy with me when I “accidentally” push them into a bush to slow them down. “Opps, I guess little Timmy should have been more careful on where he was going!  That bush just came out of no where!”

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Well, I am back, and Top Ten Tuesday’s will be kicked back into gear with one of my favorite holiday past times, Cyber Mondays!  Thanks to the Idiot, he was the inspiration of this post.  My experience was a polar opposite of his. There were no error messages or having to toss the computer around.  However, there was a ton of chain-smoking and caffeine involved!

Need I Say More?

Black Friday- Really People Enjoy This?Need I Say More?

                                                                                                                                               VS.

Nothing but a Zen Moment!

10.  No one has to get up after eating turkey the day prior at some ungodly hour (2 am) and have to load up on a huge amount to of caffeine to try to counter act the tryptophan effect!

9.  You are not having to stand obscenely close to strangers that smell funny.  Trust me, what Thanksgiving meals do to some people should never be relived, especially in a “boob to back line”!

8.  You get to stay home in the comfort of your jammies and look stupid doing it, but no one cares.  Seriously people! If you have time to put make up on, you have time to put some friggin’ normal clothes on! Jammies only look cute on 2 year olds, not middle-aged women.

7. The only risk of injury is carpel tunnel, not being trampled to death by an obsessive mob wanting the one of three dancing Mickey Mouse dolls, that will only drive you crazy after the first hour of the box being opened.

6. Coffee always tastes better at home.

5. I can be at my favorite ten stores at the same time!

4. I can yell at my kids with “Leave Mommy alone, go play!” and, ” Don’t bother me, Mommy is shopping right now!” without anyone giving me the evil eye of my bad parenting moment.

3. I don’t have to worry about the risk of my kiddos finding out  what “Santa” gets them. It comes to my door in a box and goes straight to the attic until Christmas Eve wrap-a-thone!

2. I am guaranteed not having to schlep all the gifts for out-of-town friends and family to the post office, stand in line for most of the holiday season and pay an enormous shipping fee.  With one click of the mouse that whole experience fades away and it is always free shipping!

1.  The only holiday season a–holes I have to deal with are the over exhausted, but very attractive UPS/FED EX drivers, which a plate of cookies and bottled water  remedies any ill feeling towards my address.

Happy holidays to all your fantastic blog buddies!

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Last weekend Camp Pie Hole kicked off the fall season!  I have to say this is the beginning of my favorite time of year.  I do wish I lived in a place that had four actual seasons, but I make the best of that and embrace what bit of a seasonal change we get.  Fall is the inspiration for Pie Hole’s Top Ten.

10.  We are in the midst of our Indian Summer! The days are warm, the Santa Ana’s are beginning to blow and the evenings are cool and crisp. 

9.    Harvest Festivals!

8.  All my shows are back from summer hiatus and each day my DVR welcomes me with many options of GOOD TV.

7.  Wine tasting at the vineyards!

6.  Even though it is HOT outside I embrace comfort food – pot roast, chili, apple muffins (from our tree), anything pumpkin, red wine and freshly baked bread!

5.  Costco, Lowe’s, Home Depot and most other retailers are beginning to seductively set up Christmas.  I call this Holiday foreplay!

4.  I have 90% of my Christmas shopping already done!

3.  The holiday catalogues are starting to bombard me!  LOVE IT!  Now I have to wrestle my two and half-year old over them!  I am rasing her well!

2.  Even though I hate football, it is nice to know it is there – it is the true sign that fall has arrived!

1.  The beginning of the crazy wild-eyed side of humanity who is gearing up for another season of running around acting like a “Jack”, ” Jenny” or “Hinny”, losing all perspective of selflessness and courtesy in the spirit of the holidays.  I am anticipating this time with a full “giddy” approach.  The material I am going to get will be priceless!

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