D-Day is Around the Corner, You Better Not Blow It!

So Mother’s Day is right around the corner, if this was your first indication of that, you are in a pretty sticky situation.   I have always wondered why if you forget Mother’s Day it is far worse of a crime, almost unforgivable, than forgetting Father’s Day.  Maybe it is because we, mothers, carry you nine long months, all the while puking our brains out, and having our bodies turn into the close replica of the local “Holiday Inn”.   Then we have the pleasure of either having to push out or reenact the infamous Alien scene in birthing an 8 pound bowling ball. 

Then there are the endless nights of the lack of sleep, diapers, and vomit flu fests.  Let’s not forget to mention being the sucker that drew the shortest straw and now has to drive you and four of your troglodyte peers to and from practice for the season and then has the joys of having to fill in as the “team laundry” mom since the coach wants to save money. 

These said hardships are only the tip of the iceberg of what moms endure for the sake of loving her kids.  Most of  us never complain, unless we have a blog to carry that burden, and we take our job seriously.  So, if you forgot that special mom, get your butt in gear and go take care of business in doing something that shows her that you appreciate her and the role that she had in your life.  Buying a card isn’t going to cut it. 

If you are still stumped, you can go on over to my recent cold hard cash published piece for a few ideas (yes, I am tooting my horn… TOOT, TOOT!) that is on the new and updated Blissfully Domestic  web-based magizine. 

Good luck and may I only hear of wonderful “Mama is happy” stories come Monday!

Read Full Post »

Top Ten Reasons Kid Birthday Parties Are Not My Favorite Weekend Plans

I am in back-to-back birthday party hell mode this month.  It seems all my friends that are really close to me are having birthday parties for their little ones that are in the same age range as PD1 and PD2.   It is one of those things that you know you need to do to be a good friend and to encourage your kids to enjoy.  Let’s be honest here, if  all you parents sit down and truly assess the whole “other” kid birthday parties, you would have to agree most of you would rather watch paint dry, have hemorrhoid surgery or endure physical therapy (that’s for you, Idiot) than have to sit through a weekend afternoon with the results of other people’s bad parenting mistakes kids.  This is the inspiration to my Top Ten Tuesday!

10.  You get the invitation for a 3-year-old birthday party that says “NO GIFTS” or “Only Educational Toys Please”.  Seriously, it is a kid’s birthday party!  If I have to go to it at least let me go pick out the most cool but  annoyingly loud and obnoxious toy and relish in the fact that it is not at my house.  And really, aren’t all toys educational?  Heck even “adult toys” have some level of educational value to them!

9.  The party starts right smack in the middle of nap time hours.  Oh joy! Nothing excites me more that sleep deprived toddlers hopped up on sugar! 

8.  No booze.  OK, I get it is for the kids, but if it is a party that requires me to have to schlep two kids, by myself, and all the swag that goes along with it, then go sit and watch the organized chaos, or not, for two hours, shouldn’t I be at least rewarded with a glass of wine or cocktail?  Again, it all goes back to booze makes everything better.

7. Gift Bags.  I get that is nice to have a little parting prize for the kiddos but do we have to try to reenact the Oscar’s after-party swag bags?  A sandbox bucket, a thing of bubbles and a sticker is more than enough!  Even though the gesture is nice, the toddler did not need a cruise on Carnival along with the bucket and few sand toys.

6.  Games.  Having small children try to play musical chairs is a lot like trying to herd cats. Again, I have a lot more patience for that, with a cocktail in my hand! 

5. Cake.  Now, I love cake!  I love to make cakes!  At this age cupcakes are the way to go.  Nothing is harder to manage than a piece of cake for two small children.  At least with a cupcake, it is a finger food and can be manhandled and tolerate the mutilation a small child can bring upon the situation.  Clean up is still bad, just not as nearly as bad.

4.  Rain.  NOTHING is worse than being cooped up in a house with ten small children and their parents all hopped up on sugar, not napped and stir crazy.  Again, where is my cocktail?

3. No Bounce House/Jolly Jump.  Pulling up to a party, nothing is more relieving for me to see  than a Bounce House/Jolly Jump.  I actually get some mingle time and the kids will sleep like champs that night!  Oh, bless the creator of the Bounce House/Jolly Jump.

2. No Opening of the Presents.  What?  That is the best part!  Sure it makes the kids a bit antsy and some may feel left out, but IT IS NOT THEIR BIRTHDAY!  This is the first lesson on self-control and being happy on the outside even though you are green with envy on the inside and want to kick that kid’s ass for getting cooler toys than you have.  I love seeing the expression of the kid as he/she opens the gift we took all the time and effort to get, wrap and drag to the party.  I have also noticed it brings a very early stage of  joy to PD2 to see that her little buddy liked what she got them. Maybe I am a freak, but I love giving more than receiving! Get you minds out of the gutters, this a post about kid birthday parties!

1. Other People’s Kids.  Need I say more?

Read Full Post »

Need a Last Minute Gift Idea for that Special Man in Your Life?

I found that best gift for all you ladies to give to that special man in your life and maybe the Idiot can pass this idea on to  Ms. Idiot.  After seeing this infomercial no man’s stocking should be without this, this Christmas morning!

Read Full Post »

Top Ten Reasons NOT to Go to the Mall This Week!

‘Tis the season for heading off to the mall and embracing it for all its glory.  My Christmas shopping is pretty much done, however, I headed off to the mall for a personal reason; to buy the beloved popcorn maker that was on sale at Williams – Sonoma I have been drooling over for the past month! Another outing this holiday season that is the inspiration for the Top Ten Tuesday!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Photo from Kyle Dahl

10.  The parking lot situation is less than desirable, especially in a torrential down pour.

9.  There is a Salvation Army Santa at every corner ringing that friggin’ bell.  I don’t know what is worse the ringing in my head hours past the visit to the mall or the guilt I have every time I walk by one of them and not put some coin in the bucket.

8.  The way Macy’s places displays in the middle of the aisles making it pretty much a crap shoot to get through with a stroller ( I have a narrow incline double stroller; it is as wide as single stroller), trying to keep your kid’s paws off the merchandise as you are cautiously maneuvering them around them, or better yet trying not to run over people at the MAC or Clinique counters.  Oh, the looks I got yesterday when I asked people to “excuse me”.   “Seriously, lady?  What other options do I have?  Risk running over your foot or knocking down the 8-foot display of perfume gift sets.  Let me tell you, if you don’t move your foot, it will get run over and you can go file a claim with Macy’s for their inconvenient strategic display of merchandise!”

7.  The people on cell phones or texting while walking around, totally clueless of their surroundings.  This is such a blood boiler for me.  That is why the mall has benches and seating areas.  If you wish to turn the mall into your personal social network office, then pull over and sit the friggin’ down and twitter and Facebook that you are doing your Christmas shopping and the mall is a nightmare.  NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE ONE OF THE REASONS THE MALL IS A FRIGGIN’ NIGHTMARE!”

6. When needing to get on to the elevator and the people unloading decide to stop and block the doors for those trying to get on while they are discussing where they want to go to lunch or their next shopping destination.  I have a stroller to push onto the elevator and if my kids gets clocked by the doors closing on them because you screwed around discussing if you want to go to Cheesecake Factory or just the Food Court, I am going to run you over with my loaded stroller.  PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!

5.  The kiosks in the middle of the mall.  If I wanted to buy cheap Chinese crap from people who look like they are one day out of a state prison or a halfway house I would go to Wal-Mart.

4.  The line to Starbucks.  Since the mall does not sell booze, which I think would make the whole experience much better or at least tolerable (Marty Gras is a mob infested nightmare, you don’t realize it because all are intoxicated), caffeine and sugar are the next best thing.  Having to wait for that in a line that rivals the line for Santa is  beyond me!

3.  Other people’s kids.  Letting them run around like wild banchies is just something I will never get.  The world is not every kid’s play ground.  

2. Standing in line waiting to purchase your goods and having to hear a woman on her cell phone yelling at her mother that she is an enabler and all her 9 year-old son wants for Christmas is that his uncles get off the hooch and meth.  Now, this did make me fill a little better about my Christmas family situation.  At least there will be no tweakers at my table this year!

Photo from Kyle Dahl

1.  When you see that there is people standing shoulder-to-shoulder on the first and second floor of the food court that may be a sign that a major tragedy is in the forecast and it is time to un-ass the area.   Nothing would make it a holiday to remember by having the second floor collapse while waiting to hear Handel’s Messiah in a Random Act of Culture moment.  Go home and play the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and enjoy your festive egg nog and avoid the Random Act of Culture turned breaking news nightmare.

Read Full Post »

Top Ten Things You DO NOT Do While Looking at Christmas Lights!

http://shining-garnet.xanga.com/717406764/christmas-decorations/

 

A quick order of housekeeping.  Today I have been on double duty for Top Ten Tuesdays and  was also  featured on the recently Freshly Pressed blog of  The Life of Jamie as her guest blogger! Thank you Jamie, it was fun!

In almost every town in America there are certain neighborhoods that ban together and go all out decorating their houses for Christmas.  They are a festive bunch that are willing to invite all of the public into their neat and tidy cul-de-sac streets and manicured sidewalks.  They even make sure they park in their garages so there are no cars on the street for optimum Christmas light viewing.  Their kids pass out home-made cookies and hot coco and there are even little bins where you can dump your expired canned goods to go towards the homeless.  Yes, it is a bit of Mulberry in the new millennium.  But like anything wonderful and soulful, there has to be a group of jack-a-lopes that have to go and ruin the fun. 

Yes, I am going to bombard everyone with my 12-days of Christmas crap inspired moments well into the New Year!  This moment inspired me enough to make it part of my Top Ten Tuesdays! 

10:  If you decide to bring your dog please clean up after it.  Nothing spreads the smell of holiday cheer than dog poo on the bottom of your shoe which transfers into the car!

9.  If you have kids that must wear roller skates, ride a scooter/skate board or even a bike make them risk it in the middle of the street with the drivers not paying attention to their driving and more to the Whoville exhibit.  I would much rather them get hit from behind than me or my small children.

8.  If you are driving to the area and wish to park and walk the neighborhood, please pay attention to where you friggin’ park.  Seriously? Parking right in front of the house with the Charlie Brown Christmas exhibit works for you?  At least you could pull up six feet and not be blocking Snoopy and the Woodstock!  Really, I saw a whole family in a mini-van do this two nights ago.

7.  If you are going to partake of the goodies supplied by the local kids, give them a buck and pack out your trash!

6.  Don’t allow your kids to play tag in the sea of cool inflatable Christmas characters.  Someone is going to trip over the tie downs and get hurt and somehow it becomes the owner of the house fault.  Again, another true story only in Southern California my friends.  Now you know why Gloria Allred is so successful!

5. Why does someone feel compelled that as long as it is dark outside that it is OK to wear jammies.  It is 6:30 pm, it is not even prime time TV time yet. This goes along with my whole thing with middle-aged women not wearing jammies in public.  

4. You are not cool cruising up and down the streets standing up through your sunroof texting!  What do you think this is? South Beach? Jersey Shore? The only thing that is out looking at Christmas lights are annoyed husbands, grumpy grandparents, screaming kids and frumpy housewives. 

3. Be mindful that there are others wanting to walk along the same sidewalk as you.  So stopping in the middle of the sidewalk while texting, attending to a needed item within your stroller or adjusting yourself is considered rude and it holds everyone hostage to your narcissism. 

2. If you chose to drive instead of walk, turn off your headlights, everyone’s retinas will thank you!

 1. Parents when you let your kids get hopped on Starbucks and then they are running a muck and smack into me or my small child, do not get testy with me when I “accidentally” push them into a bush to slow them down. “Opps, I guess little Timmy should have been more careful on where he was going!  That bush just came out of no where!”

Read Full Post »

Top Ten Reasons Why Cyber Monday is Better than Black Friday!

Well, I am back, and Top Ten Tuesday’s will be kicked back into gear with one of my favorite holiday past times, Cyber Mondays!  Thanks to the Idiot, he was the inspiration of this post.  My experience was a polar opposite of his. There were no error messages or having to toss the computer around.  However, there was a ton of chain-smoking and caffeine involved!

Need I Say More?

Black Friday- Really People Enjoy This?Need I Say More?

                                                                                                                                               VS.

Nothing but a Zen Moment!

10.  No one has to get up after eating turkey the day prior at some ungodly hour (2 am) and have to load up on a huge amount to of caffeine to try to counter act the tryptophan effect!

9.  You are not having to stand obscenely close to strangers that smell funny.  Trust me, what Thanksgiving meals do to some people should never be relived, especially in a “boob to back line”!

8.  You get to stay home in the comfort of your jammies and look stupid doing it, but no one cares.  Seriously people! If you have time to put make up on, you have time to put some friggin’ normal clothes on! Jammies only look cute on 2 year olds, not middle-aged women.

7. The only risk of injury is carpel tunnel, not being trampled to death by an obsessive mob wanting the one of three dancing Mickey Mouse dolls, that will only drive you crazy after the first hour of the box being opened.

6. Coffee always tastes better at home.

5. I can be at my favorite ten stores at the same time!

4. I can yell at my kids with “Leave Mommy alone, go play!” and, ” Don’t bother me, Mommy is shopping right now!” without anyone giving me the evil eye of my bad parenting moment.

3. I don’t have to worry about the risk of my kiddos finding out  what “Santa” gets them. It comes to my door in a box and goes straight to the attic until Christmas Eve wrap-a-thone!

2. I am guaranteed not having to schlep all the gifts for out-of-town friends and family to the post office, stand in line for most of the holiday season and pay an enormous shipping fee.  With one click of the mouse that whole experience fades away and it is always free shipping!

1.  The only holiday season a–holes I have to deal with are the over exhausted, but very attractive UPS/FED EX drivers, which a plate of cookies and bottled water  remedies any ill feeling towards my address.

Happy holidays to all your fantastic blog buddies!

Read Full Post »

Halloween Disaster at the Happiest Place on Earth Part 2!

As promised I am posting part two of the Halloween disaster at Disneyland  from a couple of weeks ago.   So let me jump right on in!   As you all know I have a two and half-year old and a fourteen month old.  That pretty much limits the “appropriate rides” for the family.  Since it was pouring out, I was a drowned rat, and I refused to purchase a poncho, we were very limited.  We found ourselves in the area that had the fairytale character rides, like Peter Pan, Pinocchio, Snow White, Dumbo, the Merry-go-Round etc.  That seemed harmless right?

PD1 loves all of those characters, yet I really have not let her watch any of the movies ( that should have been my first red flag). We thought we were the cat’s pajamas of parents sticking close to such “appropriate rides”  We get in line for Snow White and I may  have been on it before, but I did not remember it.  There was nothing indicating that this could be the possible worse idea that this should be considered an “appropriate ride”. . . well that is if I would have looked around and saw that there were no other kids in line under the age of ten! 

We load up in the car and off we go.  It starts out a little spooky, but nothing that would alarm PD1, then the ride takes a turn for the worst and the witch pops out at you around a corner and it all goes down hill from there.  I thought she was going to claw the hubs to death trying to get inside his rain jacket and she just kept saying, “Scary Snow White!”  The ride was finally over and she was in tears and needed to be talked down off the ledge.  We think another ride that will distract her, so we head to Peter Pan!

Now this ride was not as bad as Snow White, but seriously, PD1 was not convinced. She was just waiting in terror for that crummy witch to pop out at her again.  There was more tears and talking off ledges.

We finally decided that this whole fairytale land is for the birds so we decide to go to Pirates of the Caribbean.  We are convinced that she will love the music and the dancing pirates.  OK, I know by now each one of you reading this is screaming at me, “You are the stupidest parent on the face of the earth!”  Yes, I will own our stupidity.  One quarter the way through Pirate’s I looked over at the hubs who was holding our child’s head in his chest as she is not just crying, but sobbing, and saying over and over, “I want to go home mommy, I want to go home daddy”.  That is when I said to him, “Just so you know, we suck as parents!”  He nodded in full agreement.  We both just held our breath begging for the ride to get over so our little one will only have a week of night terrors not a life time. 

On our way back to Dumbo, a total safe option, we had to work our way by the Haunted House, due to the friggin’ trick or treat lines from hell.  Of course we would!  Why not have to walk right by the scariest part of the park after we just scared the piss out of our child and probably permanently scared her for the rest of her life.  That was another talk off the ledge moment. 

Finally we got to Dumbo and the Merry-go-Round and my thought was to ride those puppies as many times as we could. I was trying to do a “Superman” of reversing the past’s damage.  No, that did not work, that only worked for Superman.   We now have to have a night-light, the star turtle and the door open.  This was a child that could sleep in a cave before this little adventure to the Happiest Place on Earth.  Like I said before, we sucked as parents that day. The only “Happiest Place on Earth”establishment I am going to venture into for a while is Costco!

Read Full Post »

Halloween Disaster at the Happiest Place on Earth Part 1

It was a dark and stormy afternoon, this past Tuesday, as we headed out to the “Happiest Place on Earth”  for their special Halloween celebration.   When I woke up Tuesday morning it was raining, not just raining, but pouring!  The kind of pouring that Texans call, ” a cow pissin’ on a flat rock” pouring.   I live in Southern California, the only worry we have in October are wildfires, not rain, thunder, lightning and hail. 

With the weather the way it was and the forecast showing it only gettng worse,  I called Disney to see if we could get a rain check since I had purchased these tickets for the family in advance for this particular day.  They nearly laughed me off the phone and pretty much told me that I could buy a poncho from one of the many gift shops and to pretty much suck it up.  So we packed up the kids and headed to the Happiest Place on Earth. 

When we got there, we loaded the kids up in the double stroller and put their rain coats on.  We headed out of the parking structure, which is conveniently located about a mile from the park entrance.  You can take a tram from the parking structure, but that would mean we would have to break down the stroller and all its contents (I tend to over pack when on outings so my stroller usually looks like a yak or sherpa heading to base camp of Everest).   It was only a light drizzle so we decided to “go for it”.   About three minutes into the walk, the heavens open up and we get soaked. It is raining cats and dogs!  I have PD1 holding a unbrella and trying to referee her from stabbing her sister in the eye with the umbrella spokes that is sitting behind her.   While trying to do that, I am not paying attention to where I am going and walk through puddles that could support a school of fish. 

We finally get to the gates, I am soaked, the hubs is soaked, but the kids are fairly comfortable and dry.  As we enter through the security portion of the entrance the Disney staff, must have taken pity on my “drowned rat cat” appearance and did not force the issue.

As we head in there are a million people there!  How could this be? It is pouring! Are there this many people as cheap and dumb as me to insisting on going to Disneyland in the rain?  Everyone is wearing those infamous ponchos that the customer service rep told me about.  I refused to not get one out of principal, which the only person it hurt was me, my rain jacket lost it luster of holding back the rain about an hour into the adventure.

While navigating through the park and you combine strollers, rain, people in ponchos and people texting, you are in the making of a huge disaster of pending foot, leg, hip, arm, back , neck and most of all butt injuries. The butt injuries are the most common because when someone is stupid enough to be pushing a stroller in the rain, while wearing a poncho that they can’t see in, and trying to text or twitter about how much fun they are NOT having at Disneyland, and they run over you, well lets just say the phone finds a new home.

Finally it is time for some rides!  We unload the kids and head to Dumbo!  The line is pleasantly short and we head into the loading section.  As I am stepping into the pink elephant, I am welcomed with an ice cold drench to the feet.  The friggin’ bottom of the ride if full of water!  Oh great! Just great!  Well, that explains why that ride had a short line.  Shortly after my feet get drenched, they rid the water from each bottom.

After Dumbo we take refuge in the Merrry-Go- Round until the rain lets up.   It is now dark and we head to Small World to only find that it is closed.  Drat! However, there is a long line and at Disneyland long lines usually means something fun and exciting.  I ask a random middle-aged guy standing in line with his family what the line was for, he said, “Candy!”  Candy?  I was puzzled.  I know that during this event Disneyland has stations set up for the kids to go and grab a handful of candy from, but this line was something deserving of meeting Mr. Wonka himself.I pressed the guy a bit further to the details of the “candy” and he said, “It is just candy!”  I could not help but laugh out loud and say, “Seriously, you are waiting in an hour long line, in the rain, for plain Hershey bars?”  He said, “Yes, it is all about the experience, plus they give you a lot of candy for the wait!”  I replied back in my soaken, sassy tone, ” Well, if it is a lot of candy you are looking for,  that is what Costco is for!” He was not amused. 

I kept looking back at the line and it just kept getting longer and longer.  The hubs kept saying that we may be missing something so I again asked a staff member and they verified it was just the candy line.  Those people were insane! They had small children, standing in the rain getting soaked for a few measly candy bars!  The hubs and I both agreed that we would rather have hemroid surgery than be that stupid. 

The evening was full of misfits and odd ordeals.  We managed to NOT stay dry, but we kept our humor and mockery of all the idiots we saw.  We must have rode the Merry-Go-Round and Dumbo a million times and we did manage to traumatized PD1 on two of the rides, which I will address in part two of this series. 

The moral of this story is don’t go to Disneyland ever while it is raining, even if you already have paid for your tickets in advance. You will only be surrounded by stupid, wet and insane people. The smart, dry and sane people stayed home and watched Toy Story and ate candy from Costco.

Read Full Post »

A Snake, Four Letter Passes and a Near Broken Neck Instant Replay Reminder!

The hubs brother and wife are trying to set up another outdoor adventure for this summer with us.  In discussion with the hubs about possible dates, he pulled up this post and told me to re-read this to remind myself what we are going to get ourselves into.  Apparently, they have upped the ante and this adventure will involve kayaks.  Great now they are going to try to do me in by telling me it is a “calm and relaxing lake” just around the bend and I will be in a class 4 rapid heading straight for a 80-foot waterfall!

  

Day Three of “Four Days of Outdoor Adventure Fodder” Continued . . .    

Like I mentioned before, I went on a 57-mile backpacking trip with the hub’s brother and his wife about 3 or so years ago.   It was a trip that came equipped with many adventures, some down right scary and unpredictable, some created by the environment, and some self-induced.    

A Snake:  We had just started out on the backpacking journey. I had my 37-pound pack strapped to my back, my hiking sticks, and my IPOD charged and jamming as I led the crew, trail blazing, like I was Lewis and Clark.  We were at about the four mile mark into the trip, I had U2’s, “Desire”, blaring on one ear and completely in a zone scrambling over the elevated rocky terrain.  As I was stepping up and around one larger rock I heard a rattle and then felt and heard the strike.  That all happened in about .2 seconds.  I freaked, OK I not only freaked, I was hysterical. First off , I hate snakes and have  a tremendous phobia of snakes of any kind.  I can’t even handle seeing them on TV.  Secondly, I hate snakes and wished they were all extinct – end of story.     

    

So here I am flailing and screaming at the top of my lungs, “I got struck, I got struck!”  I then lost my balance and fell backwards smack into the hubs.  He catches me somewhat, organizes me about six feet away from the “attack site” and begins to question me.  I am ripping off my left shoe terrified and now just half hysterical! My mind was racing on how the heck am I going to get out of here and why the heck am I not feeling any pain. “It must be shock!”, I thought.  The brother-in-law was rummaging through his pack for the snake kit and the sister-in-law looked like she just saw a ghost.     

I finally got my shoe and sock off and to my surprise the reason I was not feeling any pain was because that damn snake struck me on the thick leather portion of my hiking shoe!  It only grazed my skin, never puncturing it.  You could see where the fangs grazed the skin.  Everyone all breathed again and I kept rubbing my eyes out of disbelief I was so lucky.   The guys went over to investigate the scene. Sure enough there was a 6-foot rattlesnake hiding under the rock he was originally sunbathing on when I surprised him.    

After I gathered up my wits again, I had to press onto the journey. I knew that in just a few short miles I would be at elevation and I would not see a snake for days. That was motivation enough for me to keep from throwing in the towel and head to the closest Marriott.  The hardest part at that moment was I was going to have to walk past the snake hiding under the rock.  I never hustled so fast in my life.     

To this day I am more jumpy than I ever have been when it comes to trail running and hiking.  I actually drive the hubs crazy with my new and improved snake phobia, but he does swear that I must be  part cat since I used up one of my nine lives that backpacking trip.      

Four Letter Pass and a Near Broken Neck: On a side note, I need to preference that when you decide to go on a 57-mile backpacking trip with huge elevation changes, gear is a factor one must always consider.  Now anyone that truly knows me, knows that I am very generous with others, but cheap when it comes to myself.  The hubs tried to convince me to buy a new backpack for this trip, but the sister-in-law said I could use one of their old ones.  She did let me know it was and external frame that was probably 20-25 years old.  Being cheap, not wanting to spend the $300.00 for comfort and taking the risk for future writing material, I opted for the “vintage” free one.  Two words: BAD MISTAKE!   

The "vintage" pack I tortured myself with.

The pack I should of thrown down the dough for!

We were on day four of our journey and we were now in the thick of elevation.    None the less this day started early and I knew that I had my work cut out for me with the climb of Glenn Pass.  At its highest point it is around 12, 000 feet.  Climbing anything above 10,000 feet can be challenging, but then add a large pack and you are essentially screwed.   As we started the climb I went to my place I go when I have to push my body to its brink.  It is a true savior at about the 18-mile marker of a marathon,  the transition from the bike to the run during a triathlon and when you are schlepping up a mountain side with very little oxygen and carrying a yak on your back.  The ascent had its challenges, but easier than I expected. It was now time for the fun part, the descent! So I thought . . .      

The brother-in-law said that the lakes we could see as we were going down was the area we were camping for two nights.  All we have to do is just get down to the bottom and it was set up camp, eat, fly fish and relax in God’s country for two days!  I was like a horse to the stable, I was off and running!  After about two hours of heading down the switchbacks of Glen Pass, I realized that the lakes were still as far away as they were 2 hours ago.  My legs were now jelly and my gusto was fading.  I kept telling the hubs, “Are we there yet?”  Another hour goes by and still we are not getting any closer.  We never stopped to rest, we just kept pressing on. The “mirage” of the destination was still completely out of reach.  My knees were now swelling from the hours of impact of hiking down the step trail, my head was pouring and my spirit was now not only broken, but I was pissed off!       

  

Just about that time we hit level ground and were at the lake!  I thought, “Thank God! We are finally here!”  Nope, we now had to walk another mile  around this God forsaken lake and then over a fallen log and down another trail to reach the friggin’ campsites.   I thought I was going to kill someone, if I had the strength.  Each step was like I was negotiating for another.   I think I may have hallucinated a helicopter and maybe a burro coming to my rescue on a few occasions.   It was the longest day of my life and I felt it would never end.     

  

 Like  child-birth, kidney stones, gall stones and broken femurs, they do have their moments of uncontrollable behavior and bad coping skills.  We  just seen the sign for the camp and the brother-in-law, who left us in the dust when my knees started acting up, was standing there in a clearing. I was so thankful and almost giddy that it was over.  I was already starting to unfasten my “cheap-A” backpack when he said that the camp was still about 1/4 of mile up the trail and he just came to show us where it was.   I lost it!  I flung that thirty something pound “cheap -A” backpack off my body and like the Incredible Hulk, held it over my head and threw it with all the remaining strength I had.  The brother-in-law looked at me as if I was Linda Blair from the ” The Exorcist” and the hubs tried to hold in the laughter since he never saw me crack like that.  

It's not a backpack, but you get the idea!

Once I threw the pack, I knew something was not right.   I could not lift my head. My neck froze!  I could not move my head up or down nor left to right.  It was like I was paralyzed.  It was the result of looking down for hours with the aluminum bar of the backpack pressing down on the back of my neck (having a physical and emotional meltdown probably did not do it any favors  as well).  I was scared to death that I was seriously injured.  The hubs and the brother- in-law jumped into action and led me to the camp.  We were now 20 plus miles in and the only way out was by helicopter or burro.  The pain was so intense I loaded up with Advil and fully clothed jumped into the frigid alpine lake hoping that would cool my muscles down and unlock my neck.  It worked!     

 

 

 

 

Actual shot of Glen Pass (a.k.a. Four Letter Pass)

The next morning while drinking coffee, feeling the stiffness and painful effects of the previous day, and gazing at Glen Pass I realized that I must have dropped the “F-bomb” a million times while hiking down its endless switchbacks.  At that moment I renamed it “Four Letter Pass”.   It was a unanimous vote for all that were present for that profanity filled adventure.    

(161. . . should have never had the half of the ice cream sandwich with the hubs)    

   

   

Read Full Post »

Top Ten Reasons I Love Fall!

Last weekend Camp Pie Hole kicked off the fall season!  I have to say this is the beginning of my favorite time of year.  I do wish I lived in a place that had four actual seasons, but I make the best of that and embrace what bit of a seasonal change we get.  Fall is the inspiration for Pie Hole’s Top Ten.

10.  We are in the midst of our Indian Summer! The days are warm, the Santa Ana’s are beginning to blow and the evenings are cool and crisp. 

9.    Harvest Festivals!

8.  All my shows are back from summer hiatus and each day my DVR welcomes me with many options of GOOD TV.

7.  Wine tasting at the vineyards!

6.  Even though it is HOT outside I embrace comfort food – pot roast, chili, apple muffins (from our tree), anything pumpkin, red wine and freshly baked bread!

5.  Costco, Lowe’s, Home Depot and most other retailers are beginning to seductively set up Christmas.  I call this Holiday foreplay!

4.  I have 90% of my Christmas shopping already done!

3.  The holiday catalogues are starting to bombard me!  LOVE IT!  Now I have to wrestle my two and half-year old over them!  I am rasing her well!

2.  Even though I hate football, it is nice to know it is there – it is the true sign that fall has arrived!

1.  The beginning of the crazy wild-eyed side of humanity who is gearing up for another season of running around acting like a “Jack”, ” Jenny” or “Hinny”, losing all perspective of selflessness and courtesy in the spirit of the holidays.  I am anticipating this time with a full “giddy” approach.  The material I am going to get will be priceless!

Read Full Post »