I live in a community that is filled with stay-at-home moms and blue hairs. That combination together makes for a very “narcissistic” experience anytime you go out. Each Friday the kids and I head out to our favorite shopping experience (Trader Joe’s) but getting to and from the car can bring a level of extreme adventure to the table that could rival climbing Mount Everest in the risk and cost factor. This is the inspiration to my Top Ten Tuesdays!
10. When scouting out a parking spot, it is not acceptable behavior to pass by a soon-to-be available parking spot, throw on the brakes and then proceed to back up (without looking) ten spots to try to get it. Look, you missed it, move along and give the poor schmuck behind you a opportunity to reap the rewards of your cluelessness while saving his and your bumper!
9. I notice that blue hairs rarely ever look over their shoulder while backing out. It is more like this; adjust review mirror, slam into reverse and hit the gas pedal. Apparently, nothing exists beyond the scope of what is in view of the review mirror.
8. It seems that those that are BMW owners think that the parking lot is the Autobahn. If there is a speeding car in the parking lot, it is a BMW 99.9% of the time. I know that the company once known for making airplanes, but that ship sailed decades ago. You are not in an airplane ready for take off, you are in a car in a parking lot full of all kinds of obstacles, mainly me and my two small children trying to push a cart to our car.
7. When you open your door, please be mindful of the GIANT car within 2 feet of yours. Having your red paint scraped across my door panel just pisses me off!
6. Mothers, when loading up your groceries, please secure your small children first. Allowing your children to play chicken with the BMW is not going to fare well for either party. Do you know how much BMW parts cost to replace?
5. Those that keep Cujo in the car as they run errands. Nothing is more frightening than while getting out of your car a dog in the car next to you jumps up out of nowhere and is able to stick their head through the crack and snaps at you. Don’t make me have to use my pepper spray on the beast!
4. Those that leave unruly children in the car, because they would be hellions in the store is not working for you either. Yes, they are secure in the car, but jumping up and down in the driver’s seat and manhandling all the controls is a recipe for disaster. Risk them knocking down a few display items than taking out 5 parked cars, a little old lady and her purse dog, and a parking lot light post. Trust me your parenting style will be judged about the same with less damage. Better yet leave them at home and risk them burning down your house. At least it would limit it to YOUR stuff being damaged.
3. When looking for a parking spot please multi task and watch for pedestrians!
2. When you know someone is waiting ever so patiently for your spot as you load, please don’t decide you can shift into tortoise mode just to be a PITA. I saw you zipping across the parking lot and loading up your bags with a purpose before you saw that someone is waiting for you to leave. Trust me your display of new-found power is just making you look like a Jack-a-lope!
1. PUT YOUR CART AWAY! It is beyond me why people have issues with this concept, because they would be the first to have a fit if someone’s abandoned cart plowed into the side of their car or into their tail light. This is not only the top of this top ten, but this is my biggest pet peeve. If I can put a cart away with two small children, anyone can!
A Piece of the Pie Hole 
8. I am convinced that in the pink slip of BMW and Mercedes owners is the “right” to drive like an a-hole.
1. I purposely park NEXT TO the cart return so there is no excuse for me not returning the cart. I love it when people walk further to put their cart in a random place, than walking to put the cart in the correct spot.
I got so pissed one day because a person parked so close to me that there was no way I could get my daughter in the car so when I opened my car door, I purposely hit theirs. It’s a little difficult to heave 30 lbs into a car seat from my fingertips…
You also forgot to mention clueless parking lot walker who walks down the middle of the aisle, clueless to the V8 barreling down the aisle and you also forgot the people who see you with 2 children and a cart full of groceries and impatiently tap their fingers at you as you load it all up.
Off my soap box now- I think it’s time for another class listing at the University of Grocery Cart Management…would you like to become an assistant professor?
Ok, so I can tell that the list could probably be the top 50! It is amazing how humanity can really be showcased in a 3 acre parking lot! Yes, I would LOVE to be assistant professor!
Hey! I wanna be a Professor at this Grocery Cart Managment College! Pick me! Pick me!! You should try cruising a parking lot with me….. I can cuss in 17 different languages when it comes to the morons in the parking lots! 🙂
Cursing in several languages! Oh, you would come in so handy!
Oh, Pie, you hit one of my buttons with this one! Thank you for articulating my own feelings so well. Kelsea and I were at a packed-to-the-gills airport parking lot a while back, and we waited for a woman who had gotten into her car to pull out. And waited. And waited. Until I felt stupid to have waited so long and stupider to leave since I had already waited so long. Upon closer inspection, she was sitting in her car…reading her Kindle! Having just gotten off an airplane and knowing I was waiting for her to pull out. I lost it, and I did the one thing I never ever ever do and said the “C word”, shocking my teenage daughter into a near-death experience. She’s never let me forget it.
The C word! It is amazing how a complete stanger can bring a boil to you you huh? Love that story! Must be added to the list too!
How about that lady with the carrot red beehive hair do from 1956 that parks on the separation line therefore taking up two spaces. Or when you see the last available spot in the lot there is a little tiny motorcycle in it and it wasn’t empty after all. Parking tip: At the mall don’t waste your time revolving around in the garage floor to floor. Just go directly to the top deck. They have elevators after all.
Love these additions. I am one of those that go straight for the top anyway. I have a fear of earthquakes and I feel that at least if I am on the top, I have a better chance of surviving! 🙂
LOL! Excellent post. I found a few of my own pet peeves on here. It is truly beyond me how parents can let their young ones run around their car and in the parking lot. Mine were yound not that long ago and really close it age. I didn’t need to be a genious to figure out that I should put them in their carseats or in seatbelts before doing anything else. I could care less about the other people’s annoyances, just for my kids own safety.
[…] an outside the car field trip entitled- Looking for Reverse Lights. This course is taught by alumni Pie Hole who recently had an article published in the UGCM Alumni News on this very […]
#6 is hillarious 🙂 Generally though – a lot of these have to do with people who are stupid with thier kids… There should be a national “common sense” test (NCST). It would need to be passed prior to being allowed to procreate. Hmmm…I wonder if planned parenthood would be interested in my idea? …*sigh, I know, distasteful, I’m just sayin’.
[…] offering a course Parking Lot Navigation ( GCM 204) mainly for my recent research finding on parking lot navigation etiquette. While preparing for this class, I came across an immediate reason for a prerequisite class to […]