‘Tis the season for heading off to the mall and embracing it for all its glory. My Christmas shopping is pretty much done, however, I headed off to the mall for a personal reason; to buy the beloved popcorn maker that was on sale at Williams – Sonoma I have been drooling over for the past month! Another outing this holiday season that is the inspiration for the Top Ten Tuesday!
Merry Christmas Everyone!
10. The parking lot situation is less than desirable, especially in a torrential down pour.
9. There is a Salvation Army Santa at every corner ringing that friggin’ bell. I don’t know what is worse the ringing in my head hours past the visit to the mall or the guilt I have every time I walk by one of them and not put some coin in the bucket.
8. The way Macy’s places displays in the middle of the aisles making it pretty much a crap shoot to get through with a stroller ( I have a narrow incline double stroller; it is as wide as single stroller), trying to keep your kid’s paws off the merchandise as you are cautiously maneuvering them around them, or better yet trying not to run over people at the MAC or Clinique counters. Oh, the looks I got yesterday when I asked people to “excuse me”. “Seriously, lady? What other options do I have? Risk running over your foot or knocking down the 8-foot display of perfume gift sets. Let me tell you, if you don’t move your foot, it will get run over and you can go file a claim with Macy’s for their inconvenient strategic display of merchandise!”
7. The people on cell phones or texting while walking around, totally clueless of their surroundings. This is such a blood boiler for me. That is why the mall has benches and seating areas. If you wish to turn the mall into your personal social network office, then pull over and sit the friggin’ down and twitter and Facebook that you are doing your Christmas shopping and the mall is a nightmare. NEWS FLASH: YOU ARE ONE OF THE REASONS THE MALL IS A FRIGGIN’ NIGHTMARE!”
6. When needing to get on to the elevator and the people unloading decide to stop and block the doors for those trying to get on while they are discussing where they want to go to lunch or their next shopping destination. I have a stroller to push onto the elevator and if my kids gets clocked by the doors closing on them because you screwed around discussing if you want to go to Cheesecake Factory or just the Food Court, I am going to run you over with my loaded stroller. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE!
5. The kiosks in the middle of the mall. If I wanted to buy cheap Chinese crap from people who look like they are one day out of a state prison or a halfway house I would go to Wal-Mart.
4. The line to Starbucks. Since the mall does not sell booze, which I think would make the whole experience much better or at least tolerable (Marty Gras is a mob infested nightmare, you don’t realize it because all are intoxicated), caffeine and sugar are the next best thing. Having to wait for that in a line that rivals the line for Santa is beyond me!
3. Other people’s kids. Letting them run around like wild banchies is just something I will never get. The world is not every kid’s play ground.
2. Standing in line waiting to purchase your goods and having to hear a woman on her cell phone yelling at her mother that she is an enabler and all her 9 year-old son wants for Christmas is that his uncles get off the hooch and meth. Now, this did make me fill a little better about my Christmas family situation. At least there will be no tweakers at my table this year!
1. When you see that there is people standing shoulder-to-shoulder on the first and second floor of the food court that may be a sign that a major tragedy is in the forecast and it is time to un-ass the area. Nothing would make it a holiday to remember by having the second floor collapse while waiting to hear Handel’s Messiah in a Random Act of Culture moment. Go home and play the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and enjoy your festive egg nog and avoid the Random Act of Culture turned breaking news nightmare.
OMG, this is so true. I only had to buy present for 3 more people but it took 2 hours because of people taking their sweet time meandering the walkways and blocking escalators. If you have all the time in the world please wear a shirt that says so because I may have to enlist you in helping me out!
The guilt of walking past the Salavtion Army Santa is just ridiculous. Every year we donate when leaving a store. All three kids put in whatever handfuls of change I have every where we go. If I am out of change, we give them each a dollar. It seems small but adds up by the end of the holiday season. The few times I have been without change and small bills, I feel incredibly guilty when I have to just walk passed.
#5 LMAO!!!!! Walking through a Dallas mall is like walking through a gauntlet of those pushy people. I just haul off and punch them now….. Hate those damn Kiosks! 🙂 Great list Pie!!
Thanks Idiot… you can blam the pain killers when you get picked up for punching the mall rats! 🙂
Melanie T- Good luck and may the force be with you, and use force if you need to! 🙂
I know, I think I give more to that ringing bell Santa than I do to any charity!
Ah, for the times of little Smallville shops around the town square and home made gifts and carolers. Dang!! A time I never knew either. Except in Norman Rockwell paintings.
Carl: I think you and both wish we could transport ourselves into those Norman Rockwell paintings. I was bron at the wrong time. .. but on looking on the bright side, I would probably be dead now if I was born then:-) Merry Christmas!
I was trying to pick which one I agree with the most/ think is the most hilarious… but really each one is as true and funny as the next! I feel this way about the mall literally every day of the year. The exception of course is the Santa ringing bells…which are replaced by girl scouts and other equally annoying things throughout the year. You are braver than I for going darlin’. I hope the popcorn tastes like heaven and is plated in Gold.
DLOM! Yes, this popcorn maker ROCKS! NO more microwaveable popcorn for this girl! Actually it is for my oldest! She LOVES popcorn and I have now grown fond of it via her. You brought up a whole new idea for a blog with the girl scouts pushing their cookies! 🙂 Merry Christmas!
I’m glad you touched on my personal favorite, the oblivious cellphone stroller – wandering through the aisles at a snail’s pace discussing what Bebo said to Muffin and how to afford that new Playstation for Lyle Junior, while you (or me), the purposeful shopper, does a perfect imitation of a russian ballerina trying to dodge around them. Thanks for the smile.
Seasweetie! So that was you doing Swan Lake the other day! 🙂 Merry Christmas! 🙂
That popcorn maker must be one heck of a good one!
My personal favourite is people who walk arm in arm very slowly making it impossible to get past them and then stopping and walking backwards directly into you and then giving you the evil eye for walking into them!
Egills, Oh you said that! We can make that # 11! Merry Christmas!
But of course you captured the horror perfectly! Merry Christmas, Piece! 🙂 xo iz
Izzie, Merry Christmas to you too! And yes, horror would be the best word to descripe some of these holiday adverntures! 🙂
#4 ~ So true! If malls did sell booze, they would probably make a fortune!!!!! Perhaps some of those Starbuckers are mixing a ‘lil something, something of their own into those coffees since no bar service is readily available ??? Hmmm … not a bad idea 🙂
Kelly! You may be on to something there! I think YOU could make a fortune on that idea. 🙂 Merry Christmas!
You braved the mall the week of Christmas? You brave, brave woman. I don’t brave the mall the entire month of December.
I can’t imagine doing it with a stroller either. I think I’d strap a kid to each leg and hope for the best.
ROTFLMAO…Pie, you nailed all ten of those. As an employee of a Big Box Store, I can tell you that it’s a trip trying to work when people are clogging up the isles and chatting on their phones too.
I too have guilt walking by those big red kettles, and that drives me nuts. I haven’t contributed in years because I’ve been abused by ringers when I didn’t put something in the pot. What is it with these bell ringers that causes them to be so self-righteous? This year I did, though, as the guy sitting there seemed to be really nice.
Merry Christmas!
Of all the mega charity organizations, the Salvation Army has the best ratio of delivery to the needy vs salary/administrative costs of money collected. Perhaps it is because of their Christian roots from which they consider themselves a charity not a for profit corporation.