United States of America
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW
Washington, DC 20500
October 14, 2010
President Miguel Juan Sebastián Piñera Echenique, Ph.D.
Santiago, Chile
Dear Miguel Juan Sebastián Piñera Echenique, Ph.D.,
The citizens of the United States are pleased to extend an offer of employment as their new President of the United States. Your credentials and interview process (dealing with the recent tragedies that have struck the current nation you are leading this past year) demonstrated that you have the knowledge, skills, experience and most of all leadership that we find to be some of the most valuable asset a person can obtain.
You are an example and have set the bar to all the leaders of the world of what a GREAT leader should strive to be. You demonstrated a great amount of wisdom in allowing the assistance of the world and its valuable resources, without ego attached to the acceptance of assistance, in the recent mining tragedy. You demonstrated that you are not a weak leader and are willing to take risks for the benefit of your citizens by insisting to move forward on the rescue effort ahead of schedule once you recognized that the process was hopeful. You would not take no for an answer; we need that in a leader. You also demonstrated what a man of compassion and endurance you are by tirelessly standing vigil until every soul was brought to safety. This is more than any national leader in this world has done in recent decades.
We understand that you were the first billionaire to come into Chilean office and you did sell off many of your stocks as it was a conflict of interest. We expect that you would continue to make good ethical decisions regarding your financial gain and your leadership of the United Sates if you accept this position. We understand that you have been a professor of economics, a successful business man and politician. We also understand that you have already lived in the US while your father was an Chilean ambassador for the United Nations and you attended Harvard for your post-graduate work. This will make security clearances easily attainable.
We do understand that the current nation you are leading are experiencing difficult economic times as the United States with and unemployment rate of 10% as of 2010, however it seems that Chile has been able to keep themselves out of the red by utilizing its own resources to take care of its people on most economic levels. This is something that the United States needs to relearn and we feel that you are the guy for the job.
The president earns a $400,000 annual salary, along with a $50,000 annual expense account, a $100,000 non-taxable travel account and $19,000 for entertainment.
The White House in Washington, D.C. serves as the official place of residence for the president; he is entitled to use its staff and facilities, including medical care, recreation, housekeeping, and security services. Naval Support Facility Thurmont, popularly known as Camp David, is a mountain based military camp in Frederick County, Maryland used as a country retreat and for high alert protection of the president and his guests. Blair House, located adjacent to the Old Executive Office Building at the White House Complex and Lafayette Park, is a complex of four connected townhouses exceeding 70,000 square feet (6,500 m2) of floor space which serves as the president’s official guest house and as a secondary residence for the president if needed.
For ground travel, the president uses the presidential state car, which is an armored limousine, built on a heavily modified Cadillac-based chassis. One of two identical Boeing VC-25 aircraft, which are extensively modified versions of Boeing 747-200B airliners, serve as long distance travel for the president, and are referred to as Air Force One while the president is on board. The president also uses a United States Marine Corps helicopter, designated Marine One when the president is aboard.
The United States Secret Service is charged with protecting the sitting president and his family. As part of their protection, presidents, first ladies, their children and other immediate family members, and other prominent persons and locations are assigned Secret Service code names.*
Position Start Date information:
This position has an immediate opening. Due to your current circumstances we will hold this position open until you can find a suitable replacement for yourself and the nation of Chile or by January 20, 2013.
This will be the first time in American history the citizens and national law will lift the exemption of having to be a born national citizen to be president. It is also the first time in history that a current president can be removed and replaced without notice and not be replaced with his/her appointed successors. This is also the first time in American history that the citizens are truly acting on their own accord and are chosing a leader without a campaign process that is filled with corruption and political agendas. We are chosing to live by the words of President Abraham Lincoln, “that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” As you can see we are in serious trouble based on the decisions of past and present administrations and we need a fresh energy and life that you seem to obtain.
Acceptance of Position Details:
We, the citizens of the United States of America hope that you’ll accept this job offer and look forward to welcoming you aboard. You have until December 31, 2010 to accept or decline this offer. Your immediate supervisor will be the American Citizens, if you have any questions or concerns, please contact any State Senator or Congressman to set up town hall meetings with the citizens of the towns, cities or states you would like to address. That contact list will be available upon acceptance of position.
Sincerely,
The Citizens of the United States of America
A Piece of the Pie Hole 
Wow! That is great! That actually looks and reads like an actual “official” letter. Kudos Arin! 🙂
Thanks! It better look like one or my past 11 years as a “Human Resistance” Professional was a big joke. 🙂